It's nearly 4am and I couldn't sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping lately, worse than usual. It's been pretty much the norm for me to sleep really late since my break, but recently, I want to sleep but my brain won't let me. Like tonight. So I decided to switch on my laptop and put up a post since I'm so restless anyway.

I've finally officially started to pack. And it wasn't as simple as I thought, the reason being that most of the clothes I brought home from there will definitely make its way there again. However, it took me hours to decide which ones to bring! I couldn't possibly bring all, right.

I finally managed to whittle off some clothes which I could bring later on. But then, I was filling the suitcase until it's almost full, and only then did I realise that there was no space for my shoes, toiletries, or anything else! Then I made some calculations, and realised I needed to bring 7 pairs of footwear! One heels, one sports, one flat sandal, 2 closed flats (one formal, one casual) and 2 slippers (one for outdoor, one for toilet). Thats the minimum, no question.

Then there's all the other essential barang-barang - hairdryer, iron, kettle, laptop, CD-man, lamp etc. that needs to be put somewhere (box or bag?) (not enough boxes! too many bags!).

All this kind of incessant mind babble was going around in my head while I was trying to get some sleep since 1.30 just now. (Watched Spartacus on Cinemax; awesome)

Note: throughout this whole retelling of the few hours between 1.30 and now, I was having a constant fit of sneezes, an itchy nose, watery itchy red eyes and NO CLARINASE.

Besides that, there was me trying to think of things to put me to sleep (I'm not sure whether it actually made it worse). There was ALSO me thinking neurotic thoughts of studying medicine. Scaring myself with thoughts of failure, madness and brain death.

Then, I'll think of my friends there, what we'll do, whether we'll pull through fine, our future, my future...

AND I also thought about him, reminiscing, thinking up of crazy (im)possibilities... THEN I suddenly thought, "He sure did look sexy in the AIMST t-shirt."

THEN!!! I thought about my AIMST t-shirt. So I got up, switched on the light and looked for my AIMST t-shirt in my closet. Couldn't find it! OH NO. Frustratedly, decided I'd have to rummage around for it in the other rooms tomorrow. Switched off the light. Tried to sleep. Still blowing my nose.

BUT! Even before attempting sleep, I was already worrying about my missing earphones. At one point, I got up, switched on the light and started looking in my room for the umpteenth time. Couldn't find it. Made mental note to ask parents and sis if I had borrowed to them tomorrow (or later today).

I was getting paranoid about missing things and suddenly I remembered that I needed to bring a headscarf there now. Remembered my favourite black one. Remembered that I borrowed it to my old maid. Wondered whether she put it back before she left. Got up again. Looked in my closet. And OF COURSE, it was nowhere to be found. Disappointed and frustrated, made mental note to look in her old room (and anywhere else where it could be!) later.

Went back to bed, had more fits of sneezes that gave me a headache and had me running to the bathroom to expel some snot. Tried to sleep, but instead thought about what CDs to bring (can't bring all yet!). Remembered that I found the Il Divo album cover downstairs few weeks ago. Forgot where the CD of that album was! SO, got up, light on, opened the album case, and lo and behold, the CD was right where it was supposed to be. Surprise, surprise.

BUT THEN! Saw the small padlock for my suitcase on that table too. The other one was missing. Remembered sis borrowed it. Remembered that she took the keys. Checked my tag where I hung the keys... all the keys were gone! Keys for the laptop lock and both padlocks! Another strike. Another mental note.

OH YES. Did I mention about how many things still unsettled? My paint by numbers unfinished. Packing. Stupid JPA delays and no letter!!! Shopping not done. Meeting old friends, not possible. Driving, nil. Payment method later? Not settled. Burn CDs, not done. Pick up pants from tailor and camera from repairs, not done. Scholarly preparation for the course, nothing! Mental preparation, still shaky. *hyperventilates

At this point, I gave up trying to switch off the light and sleeping. Thought that tonight's unceasing brain activity would make an amusing story, so here I am, retelling each neural pathway that occurred, connecting past, present and future. And not necessarily in that order. Any wonder that with all this in my head right now, I have yet to keel over... with my tissue box beside me.

But strangely enough - besides my still intact sanity right now, so much so I can still Facebook and blog - my sneezes have disappeared. Did it go away only when my state of mind is fixed on "DISPOSE" by way of rambling here? Only when I'm not actively doing all the things I should be doing i.e looking for all the missing things?

How cruelly ironic.

P.S. But I guess it's worth mentioning that I did have a cup of really black coffee with 3 sugars this morning.

But that was at 8.45am! Nearly 24hrs ago!!!


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