Every blogger in the world would have a post about Valentine's Day by now. Against my usual principles, I shall herewith jump on the bandwagon on this.

I suppose, while there are many who always have a great Valentine's, I am with a larger group of people out there who positively dread that day. It's depressing.

Call me a sour grape, the rain on the parade or just a hormonal teen who started watching romance movies too early in life. Bitter 'cause nothing ever happens on that ever talked about day of the year. Whole corporations reap hefty profits from the commercialisation of that day alone. You can never escape the 14th of February.

So yes, when people ask me, "So, tomorrow is Valentine's...anything planned?" I will simply groan and moan, "Depressing...."

It's terrible having to flip through any ol' magazine or just open the home page of Yahoo and see never-ceasing tips for "Your Valentine's Date" or "Valentine Gift Ideas" etc. etc.

There's just too much going into this date on the calendar. No one is spared from having to expect something on that day or better yet, expect nothing while everyone else has something.

Moving on, only ONE person wished me Valentine's via SMS. And that was because I wished him first. Just writing it makes it sound so pathetic. Oh well, like I said, I'm one of those who have to expect nothing. What I have to come to expect is that although feelings are out in the open, yet nothing is official, you still cannot expect anything to change much from last year.

So, how did I spend Valentine's and the days leading up to it? Like the rest of the dateless singles out there, I watched tv. And, of course, something romantic (as if you need another catalyst to make you even more bitter and self-deprecating). In the spur of the moment, I decided to fish out my nearly-a-decade-old box set of that hugely popular Meteor Garden drama series. I watched it countless of times, yet it is my all-time favourite Asian drama series ever. Jerry Yan who plays Dau Ming Shi, always manages to rock my boat. I recall vividly how crazy I was over F4 when NTV7 started airing that show in 2003. I daresay that my passion is rekindled. Jerry rocks! :D

In these recent days, I've also watched Becoming Jane again. That movie is one of the best period dramas I've watched so far. Even the recent remake of Pride & Prejudice doesn't quite compare. Though I love that one too. In most cases, those period movies are better at the romance. My other favourite ones are Ever After, Atonement, Titanic (duh, who doesn't love that one), Shakespeare in Love, Stage Beauty (Claire Dane's portrayal of Desdemona at the end of the movie is beyond superb), Knight's Tale (that one was funny too)... Other period movies like The Duchess, The Other Boleyn Girl, Vanity Fair, Little Women, Perfume (the book is also supremely freaky, creepy good) and Dangerous Liaisons were more dramatic than romantic. I have yet to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age yet (with Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen) and perhaps other period movies I haven't mentioned. Sense and Sensibility and Emma are two movies I only watched partially. I hope to catch it on tv but who knows when. Sigh.

(I have this book of poems next to my bed, haha)

There is something to be said about romance movies - period, modern, fantasy, animation (Ayashi No Ceres is my only favourite; Final Fantasy no thanks. I don't fancy anime actually.) - it gives you hope. Perhaps deep down, I am a mindless idealistic romantic masquerading as a practical realist. Or, most probably, I have a dual-personality disorder. I like to escape to fantasy more often than it is healthy, I guess.

There is also something else: you sigh every time the movie ends. You wish it was you who was swept off her feet by an ungodly mega gorgeous Prince Charming, hero, knight, vampire (Oh Edward) or was rendered helpless by his impossibly romantic prose (or eyes even), or was the damsel in distress that was saved in the nick of time, or was lucky enough to find her soulmate before either one died...so on, so on. Sigh.

Tsk, tsk. What is to become of me.

A word of warning: Music like Sean Ghazi's Semalam, Edith Piaf, Josh Groban and definitely instrumental stuff like Secret Garden and Rachmaninoff + romantic shows or movies or books (especially including all I've ever mentioned) + Valentine's Day + a silent phone + a lot of time = Potion for Despair.

Lucky thing that my phone wasn't silent on Valentine's night. So, fortunately, I was spared albeit only by a thread.

Cheers to all romantics in denial out there! ;)

P.S. My buddies in my former English Lit class called me 'jiwang' (a.k.a. hopeless romantic). I denied of course. I argued that I simply have a high appreciation for Shakespeare and love poems. So what if I sleep with Shakespeare's works by my bed and read love poems with feeling (teacher said to do so anyway XP).

P.P.S. Who am I kidding. I need a boyfriend.


People tell me,
There is hope though
I see none.
I will myself to.

But that doesn’t change,
What I feel
Deep down, that perhaps,
We are not meant to be.

Am I to blame?
Should I have done that?
Should I have done nothing?
I will never know; you’re gone.

I want to blame you,
Failing to act,
Grasping not the opportunity,
I gave you so often.

I want to blame fate,
For meeting us then,
Pulling us apart,
‘Cause now, I’m needing you.

Perhaps our meeting
Was a mistake,
That we are better off,
Without knowing each other.

Though I cannot regret,
The moments we shared,
I treasure every second
Given to us.

Can you tell,
Can you see,
I think of you so,
You had touched my life.

I refuse to close this chapter,
I have tasted Heaven,
I cannot easily forget,
How you looked at me.

I want to hate you,
So that I could move on,
It would be so easy,
Than having to miss you.

End this please,
Leave me not,
Hanging, unsure, waiting,
If it should end, then end it!

I’m exhausted,
Watching days go by,
But no concrete,
To hold my love in place.

I fear, my love,
It would be too late,
Too painful to find,
That my love has left.

An original poem by yours truly. Subject to copyright!
4 Responses
  1. mrsnordin Says:

    I didn't know you feel this way about Valentine's... sorry. It'll be much better in the future, trust me.

  2. Nadira dearie,

    Please do not fret over matters of the heart, Lucille Ball was right when she professed self-love, everything would be ok, trust me..

    I started going out with a guy when I was 16, but I was clueless of what was happening. Then, at 18 I was seriously involved with another guy, only to dump him after 4 years due to his poor command in English. I know that's mean of me, but what to do when you have found someone who is better.

    Then..lalallalala..this good orator dumped me..u see the karma, what goes around comes around? My point is, why worry if u have no beau to stick to. Love will complicate your life sometimes, still the feeling is nice!

    Good Luck.
    Good Luck

  3. Nadira,

    Sabar, sabar...belum tiba masanya! I used o feel the same, the time will come and you will definitely float and cry..sebab tu I call cinta tu is like sambal belacan...pedas tapi sedap!!??

  4. | AiNaa K | Says:

    you're tagged!
    tgk page i.. :)

Post a Comment

Post Comment