Curls, Curves and One-inch Nails

A Brain That Refuses To Rest!

2010-08-05T03:52:00.005+08:00

It's nearly 4am and I couldn't sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping lately, worse than usual. It's been pretty much the norm for me to sleep really late since my break, but recently, I want to sleep but my brain won't let me. Like tonight. So I decided to switch on my laptop and put up a post since I'm so restless anyway.

I've finally officially started to pack. And it wasn't as simple as I thought, the reason being that most of the clothes I brought home from there will definitely make its way there again. However, it took me hours to decide which ones to bring! I couldn't possibly bring all, right.

I finally managed to whittle off some clothes which I could bring later on. But then, I was filling the suitcase until it's almost full, and only then did I realise that there was no space for my shoes, toiletries, or anything else! Then I made some calculations, and realised I needed to bring 7 pairs of footwear! One heels, one sports, one flat sandal, 2 closed flats (one formal, one casual) and 2 slippers (one for outdoor, one for toilet). Thats the minimum, no question.

Then there's all the other essential barang-barang - hairdryer, iron, kettle, laptop, CD-man, lamp etc. that needs to be put somewhere (box or bag?) (not enough boxes! too many bags!).

All this kind of incessant mind babble was going around in my head while I was trying to get some sleep since 1.30 just now. (Watched Spartacus on Cinemax; awesome)

Note: throughout this whole retelling of the few hours between 1.30 and now, I was having a constant fit of sneezes, an itchy nose, watery itchy red eyes and NO CLARINASE.

Besides that, there was me trying to think of things to put me to sleep (I'm not sure whether it actually made it worse). There was ALSO me thinking neurotic thoughts of studying medicine. Scaring myself with thoughts of failure, madness and brain death.

Then, I'll think of my friends there, what we'll do, whether we'll pull through fine, our future, my future...

AND I also thought about him, reminiscing, thinking up of crazy (im)possibilities... THEN I suddenly thought, "He sure did look sexy in the AIMST t-shirt."

THEN!!! I thought about my AIMST t-shirt. So I got up, switched on the light and looked for my AIMST t-shirt in my closet. Couldn't find it! OH NO. Frustratedly, decided I'd have to rummage around for it in the other rooms tomorrow. Switched off the light. Tried to sleep. Still blowing my nose.

BUT! Even before attempting sleep, I was already worrying about my missing earphones. At one point, I got up, switched on the light and started looking in my room for the umpteenth time. Couldn't find it. Made mental note to ask parents and sis if I had borrowed to them tomorrow (or later today).

I was getting paranoid about missing things and suddenly I remembered that I needed to bring a headscarf there now. Remembered my favourite black one. Remembered that I borrowed it to my old maid. Wondered whether she put it back before she left. Got up again. Looked in my closet. And OF COURSE, it was nowhere to be found. Disappointed and frustrated, made mental note to look in her old room (and anywhere else where it could be!) later.

Went back to bed, had more fits of sneezes that gave me a headache and had me running to the bathroom to expel some snot. Tried to sleep, but instead thought about what CDs to bring (can't bring all yet!). Remembered that I found the Il Divo album cover downstairs few weeks ago. Forgot where the CD of that album was! SO, got up, light on, opened the album case, and lo and behold, the CD was right where it was supposed to be. Surprise, surprise.

BUT THEN! Saw the small padlock for my suitcase on that table too. The other one was missing. Remembered sis borrowed it. Remembered that she took the keys. Checked my tag where I hung the keys... all the keys were gone! Keys for the laptop lock and both padlocks! Another strike. Another mental note.

OH YES. Did I mention about how many things still unsettled? My paint by numbers unfinished. Packing. Stupid JPA delays and no letter!!! Shopping not done. Meeting old friends, not possible. Driving, nil. Payment method later? Not settled. Burn CDs, not done. Pick up pants from tailor and camera from repairs, not done. Scholarly preparation for the course, nothing! Mental preparation, still shaky. *hyperventilates

At this point, I gave up trying to switch off the light and sleeping. Thought that tonight's unceasing brain activity would make an amusing story, so here I am, retelling each neural pathway that occurred, connecting past, present and future. And not necessarily in that order. Any wonder that with all this in my head right now, I have yet to keel over... with my tissue box beside me.

But strangely enough - besides my still intact sanity right now, so much so I can still Facebook and blog - my sneezes have disappeared. Did it go away only when my state of mind is fixed on "DISPOSE" by way of rambling here? Only when I'm not actively doing all the things I should be doing i.e looking for all the missing things?

How cruelly ironic.

P.S. But I guess it's worth mentioning that I did have a cup of really black coffee with 3 sugars this morning.

But that was at 8.45am! Nearly 24hrs ago!!!

Grrrrr.....sigh.

Slow As She Goes

2010-08-03T00:23:00.003+08:00

Ok, I'm back for my random thing, although its slightly late. Here goes:

Random thing of the day:

The key of succeeding at anything is patience.

Whether you want to make a good masak lemak kuning without ruining the santan. Or finishing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Or make the one you love love you back.

I've proven it works for the masak lemak and the jigsaw. The last one....not yet. :)

The Weekend Before The Last One

2010-08-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

Ok, so I guess I still couldn't keep a resolution to make one post a day, although I only intend to write random stuff. I hope this doesn't mean that I can never keep a resolution. That would be very bad.

Anyway, weekend's already over. I didn't even feel it. WHY DO WEEKENDS DO THAT? It's totally unfair. So, what did I do this weekend...

Friday: Went to my sister's friend's sister's wedding. Beautiful ceremony. Beautiful, truly, madly, deeply in love couple. Attempted poco-poco for the first time ever in my life. It's not easy!

Saturday: Nothing really worth mentioning. Except maybe that I watched two movies that night, Hot Tub Time Machine and Sex In The City 2. The former was really funny in that lewd, stupid way with lots of swearing and some naughty scenes. Sex was as expected - luxurious settings in Abu Dhabi and lots and lots of gorgeous, to-die-for clothes. There also had to be some naughty scenes (hence the name, duh), but it wasn't as bad as the first Sex In The City movie. That one was really naughty! RAWWR.

Sunday: Nothing much. Woke up, ate nasi lemak, finished some of my dad's 1000 piece tiger jigsaw puzzle, went to grandma's house, ate cempedak goreng, pisang goreng and mee hoon, sent sis to Shah Alam, went home, had mushroom soup, bathed, made funny faces in the mirror, and here I am now. See, I told you it wasn't much.

This week is my last week at home and coincidentally, my aunt may be having her baby sometime this week. Looking forward to that. Not looking forward to packing. I haven't packed anything. I'll start soon (I hope). Then back to the far far away university with my friends and the bugs waiting.

Cereal and Hamster Habitats

2010-07-29T18:59:00.005+08:00

Random thing of the day:

I had a dream last night/this morning that involved building a super complex hamster city (you know with those tunnels, mazes and slides) that featured no hamsters, just filling the whole thing with water and Froot Loops.

Yeah. It made no sense to me either. But I have to say, it was sort of a nightmare. Weird.

WTH???

Randomisation

2010-07-29T18:49:00.003+08:00

I have decided that for the rest of my soon-ending holidays, I'm going to post one random statement everyday, in a (rather pathetic and) desperate bid to increase the number of posts. "Why bother?", you may ask. Well I suppose I want to salvage my blog for what it's worth. Since the problem is that I can never decide what topic to talk about for a post, hence no post... I figured that if I can come up with an utterly random thing to say (which I think is something I tend to do often, to the amusement of my siblings and friends), I suppose I can get the ball rolling.

Perhaps I can make this page more interesting somehow. We shall have to see.

MBBS stands for Major Bum and Brain Sickness XD

2010-07-28T13:04:00.005+08:00

I just realised that for the year 2010, I only made 2 posts. 2 POSTS! What is wrong with me? I constantly say how I have many things to say, how I love writing, how I want to share my thoughts, regardless of its significance, with the world. And yet, I just stay on Facebook for hours, (illegally) download music, and potter about at home. My 3 months at home has certainly flown by. I am of course partly to blame because I wake up at noon everyday. It makes the day fly by all the faster. I'm not sure whether this is done consciously by body or not. Do I want my menial 3 month break to end quickly despite the years of hard work I expect to come? I just don't know.

Now that the end and beginning is near, it got me thinking of the career choice I made. Needless to say, I have heard from so many people how hard it is, how you are expected to act, how long the hours are, how socially-deprived you'll become, etc. The downs of the profession are endless. The only good thing I have heard is that if helping a sick person is your passion, no matter how torturous the job, you'll get the satisfaction. And that satisfaction is one that no one else can fully understand and share. Only you will know it.

From a young age, I must admit, I am used to excelling, always getting strings of As, always on the top tier of my class. I'm not be the best at everything - there was always someone better than me, someone with a better score, someone with a more admirable personality and achievement. But I try to do reasonably well every time, knowing my capabilities and my limits. I don't try too hard, because that just isn't me. I don't try to beat everyone and I certainly don't try to be overly studious. I like having fun too! I am human after all.

Yet, I do worry that I'll face a whole different ballgame during my medical training. Actually, I know it's totally different. Students no longer aim to score an A, they aim to pass. An A is too much of a far distant dream. It's that hard. I want to face this with a wary and ready perspective because I don't want to break down when I receive my first failure. And it isn't just about the exam part - which I agree with a friend of mine's opinion: that an exam is not necessarily the measure of how good you are as a doctor, the test is later when you are shoved into real life - I also worry whether I can handle the 'seconds-between-life-and-death' situations. We all have seen ER growing up, and many other medical dramas. They may be actors, but the job is real.

I pray I will have the courage and the strength to see through the choice I made. I myself am aware that after SPM, I could have chosen any path to embark on, whether it is law, biotechnology, astrophysics or even culinary arts. I know I can do pretty well in any course because whatever my choice, I'll do my best. However, looking back, I don't think I could have chosen any other. Despite how I would love to follow my parent's footsteps, and despite how my first true ambition was to be an astronomer/astrophysicist. I believe I'm not a quitter, especially when so much money is being invested on my future.

I'm currently reading a book about a 3rd year medical student who just started her clinical and subsequently found herself quite lost and detached from the alien world of medicine and hospitals despite her earlier training. A theme that came up was how doctors are supposed to act with patients, coldly professional vs. emotionally humane. Another theme was women in medicine. The setting for the book was nearly 30 years ago and perhaps the medical world has changed in that respect, but it still struck me that women still need to work twice as hard and be at level or better than their male counterparts to receive some respect. The character, just because she was a woman, faced indifference, disdain, condescension and even hatred from senior doctors at the hospital. To be honest, she deserved some of it but still, I hope such things are no longer a problem.

Another important point that struck me closer to home was how some medical students nowadays view their expensive education. A doctor said that the students assume that since their chosen profession is to help and serve the community, it is the community who owes students a good education and when students enter medical school, they become full of pride in the knowledge that their education is supported by the community. And then, these students graduate and fly off overseas for want of better pay, or because of their lackadaisical attitude, they make poor housemen or don't graduate at all and switch courses. This I know, happens here in Malaysia and elsewhere. The writer was right in opining that it is the would-be students who owe the community as most of the time, medical students are on scholarships or loans and either way, the money comes from taxpayers' earned ringgit. Of course, some are indeed fully self-funded, but we should be thankful that there is education provided for us, locally, available to all, and because its so expensive, there are means to reduce the financial burden. Directly or indirectly, we owe it to others to succeed and give back later on.

I'm hugely grateful that I'm on government scholarship and my 1/4 of a million ringgit worth of tuition is being paid for. The only thing asked of me is to graduate and serve the people who in some way may have contributed to my education. If it weren't for my scholarship, I probably couldn't have chosen medicine. Taking medicine is a huge undertaking and demands much dedication, hard work and responsibility. I'm expecting a lot from myself I know, but that is my motivation. No one expects more of me than myself.

Wow, I honestly didn't realise this post would be so serious. But I guess it is some sort of relief for me. Putting hopes to writing is a form of conviction, isn't it? Now I have to aspire to live up to the expectations I blurted out here, or not I'm a filthy hypocrite. Ugh, I hate hypocrisy.

Anyway, I'll end this post on a lighter note with some quite funny cartoons. :)

Whatcha Say?

2010-05-10T18:07:00.004+08:00

Now that I've finished the grueling 9-month foundation which denied me of the luxury of updating my blog more often, I will try to write more. Because I actually really want to! There were several times I had bursts of inspiration to let fly my fingers over my dinky little laptop and just let thought translate to words. And you know me (if you don't, now you do :D), there are endless of things whirling in my head to talk about, and if not verbally, then on this single webpage in cyberspace.

In fact, I remember telling the interviewers at my JPA interview that I liked to talk. Came the reply, "Yes, we can see that." Haha.

But hey, expressing yourself is, I believe, very important and it is therapeutic. Seriously. Why else do people pay hundreds of dollars to see some guy with a degree in psychiatry, sit in a big comfy chair and spend the next hour just talking? I daresay, talking is good for you. Its the easiest way to express yourself. After all, even before we learned to walk, our parents would first teach us how say 'mummy' or 'daddy'. Words came first. It is Man's most relied upon mean of communication with each other. And needless to say, the power of the word is, well, powerful. Yeah.

Ok, beginning to talk crap here. :)

Ah, but that is what talking is all about, isn't it? Its about crapping (not the actual moving of bowels, mind you), bullshitting, puffing out air and some words strung together in hopes of resembling a sentence. Does it matter whether it means anything? Not really. Does it matter whether people understand you? *laughs with head dramatically thrown back* No. Why? Because really, how many people take the time to actually listen and try to empathise, to understand? Not many. And sometimes, the talker frankly does not give a damn whether what he said lit up a bloody candle in the listener. Sometimes, it's all about letting something off your chest. From personal experience, I know that once the thing, which is squatting on your brain and messing up the other more important matters you should be more concerned with, is released by communication, it quickly becomes so little in importance that you wonder why it bothered you so much in the first place.

Of course, it would do you and your victimised listener more good if you realised that earlier. Way before you had to waste energy just venting. But! at that moment of distress, the parasite was eating away at your sanity, you can't think of anything else. So you gotta let it out. Like I always say, never bottle up your feelings with hopes it will all go away. It may just lie dormant for a while, but these things tend to pile up like dust bunnies under your bed and you can't keep trying to just sweep them under the rug. The rug is only so big. There ain't gonna be enough rug after a while. And no, don't go looking for another rug, silly. Throw those annoying dust bunnies out for DBKL to pick up! (DBKL in this case being your lucky friend or stranger that gets to listen to or read your crap)

Ah, crapping is good for you! (Both meanings apply XD)

Another thing, I think it's a shame when people hold themselves back because of the fear of being judged when you do open your mouth and let your thoughts be said aloud. It's a shame when you don't talk because you think no one is gonna listen. Take my advice, don't care about all that. Be selfish. Think about your satisfaction from blowing off some of that steam. The person on the receiving end need not even be someone you know well. And if you are so humane, choose a safe place where if anyone comes across your steaming pile of crap, they can choose to stay or walk away and you couldn't care less either way. Nowadays, there are so many places that people tell stuff like "Hey I just had a shit and the turd's huge, dude!" to the whole world! LOL. Places like Twitter, Facebook. Like a blog. :)

In fact, I honestly don't care if my blog has many followers, let alone be read by more than 3 people (and one of them being me, haha). I don't care whether you agree or disagree with me. I don't care if you don't like what I say. I don't care if you don't bloody like me. Because I wasn't born to be aesthetically pleasing and perfect. I'm not here to please others. I'm here because I still want to be here. And while we still breathe the same air on this tiny place called Earth, we'll just have to accept it and make the most of it. Live with it.

Somebody's T-shirt reads: "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR"

I love that saying for more than one reason.

O.O

Oops. HAHAHA....

P.S. I just realised just how many references I made to ahem, faeces, in this post. I swear, it is was purely coincidental. And has absolutely NOTHING to do with any personal issues on the subject. XD Hahahaha...

P.P.S. I confess, there was a time when I wondered whether the URL for my blog was appropriate because other blog URLs were much simpler. Now I know for sure that it suits perfect all along. :)

Idealism

2010-03-02T23:06:00.004+08:00

There just isn't enough hours in a day to do all the things we want to do. Ideally, in a day I would want to:
-finish work and study
-online (Youtubing)
-update my blog
-wander in various blogs (shopping???)
-play badminton (azam baru!)
-write
-daydream/waste time
-chit chat with friends for hours
-have something exciting happen (chic lit moment)

The thing is, that's rarely the case. No time can be wasted. Usually, I can fit only the 'work' part (when the study part is equally important, if not more) and the chit chat (a few minutes maybe).

Forget onlining long enough to update blog, see other blogs and Facebook and Youtube. Most of the time, its just a quick glance. Most of the time, I try staying away from Youtube 'cause its like a blissful endless black hole. Can't stay there too long, oh no.

And definitely forget any form of creative writing (Bio essays does NOT count). Honestly, I've had the urge to write again for a while now. Words swirling in my head, waiting to be written. But it isn't easy. Time is a problem. Getting down to it then getting hooked is another. From my past writing bends, I know its a habit of mine to get so totally immersed in it that I can go without sleep and just type until all the juice runs dry. The dry spell will last so long, that the story never finishes. In short, it could just be another excuse to not do what's more important. I wouldn't dare hope any story of mine shall be published, let alone finished.

But its like a holding a full bladder, waiting for a pimple to burst, squeezing your buttocks to hold in a shit.

I got to get out of my system somehow. Here? All I'm doing is complaining. Anyone can complain, even a child knows how to complain. This wasn't what I made my blog for!

I've heard and uttered these words, "I'm bored with my life..." "Hidupku bosan" "My life is boring..." Why wouldn't it when you're at a dead end of a place, surrounded by people who live and breathe to study themselves to the ground, and yeah, have no boyfriend. In fact, I think I'm beginning to create little infatuations just to make a day a little bit interesting. How pathetic.

We are all waiting for something exciting to happen to us. Something new. Something to distract us from all the pressures of work and study, mind-numbing boredom and routine, the heat, the STUPID BUGS, the ever-threatening breakout of stress pimples and an increasing waistline.

What am I saying. KL and here isn't that much different. In the sense that back there, I was still bored, still in a losing battle with bugs and hundreds of scars to prove it, I was still blissfully and admittedly single, still waiting for something exciting to happen. Truth is, I suppose its that point of life that they say as "waiting for the rest of your life to begin".

I thought beginning my Foundation was the opening chapter. But it turns out its just a short story in itself, and one that is on a steep decline towards the end. I can't wait for the 'real' book to begin.

Youtube is my new Best Friend

2009-12-18T17:19:00.003+08:00

Its interesting how the times I come and write in my blog, its when a quiz, exam or assignment due date is nearby. I guess its how I try to escape the stress. Urrrgh, stress! Quiz next week, newscasting assignment and no matter how interesting we're doing it, it's taking up SO much time - something we lack - on the 7th of January, losing my IC, student ID, thumbdrive, keys, cards, new phone....and of course, the constant feeling of lack of study.

You know when you're exhausted whenever you sleep, you wake up feeling tired still and your eyes all puffy. And the backache. And headache.

I'm getting old ahead of my time.

At least there'll be a lot of 'laugh lines' because at least I can still laugh. Ever tried going to Youtube and watching sick and inane videos like "World's Largest Zit Ever" and "My exploding cyst"? (interested? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3jNCBe1VTY )

For that memorable experience, I have to thank Faris and Sofia. You guys really know how to digress. Good digression though. :)

P.S. I don't think I can look at cottage cheese the same way again.

Venting

2009-11-18T02:30:00.000+08:00

Actually, I'm really stealing a moment here to wite this post. I'm supposed to be finishing my Bio report due this Friday but what the hell.

For some reason, I swore a lot today. Maybe 'cause this morning was my group's first discussion about our English newscasting assignment and being in a group of 4 boys and 2 girls, keluarlah all the profanities pagi-pagi lagi. God, I forgot how good it feels to swear sometimes. LOL. But maybe there are other reasons why.

Last Sunday night was the First Beat VI here, the theme - Fright Night i.e. Halloween. So from Saturday evening until night we were there at the basement hall (the concert was underground - cool) putting up the decorations. We made little ghosts, spiders, cobwebs and with a burst of inspiration, a huge scarecrow out of tree branches and drapery using (borrowed from the janitor's store a.k.a. stolen) toilet paper. We also had pumpkins, tombstones and scary faces hanging from the ceiling. The final result was pretty darn good, if I say so myself. For one thing, everything did come together nicely although it was pretty last minute and we had not much resources to work with. Kudos to the whole decorating comittee! Job well done people.

Then here comes the worst bit. My phone got stolen. Yes, STOLEN. It was there in my pouch, in my bag, on a table in a hall full of people. But the asshole who took it was damn clever because one, no CCTV in the basement hall (in a campus with CCTV EVERYWHERE, there aren't any there) and two, everybody was busy doing stuff. No one noticed someone who was not involved go to that table, rummage through my bag, take my phone and some cash from my friend's wallet and leave. But some did see a bunch of dickwads with no purpose of being there come by, look around and go. It would be a gross understatement if I said I was not upset. No matter how kerepot that phone has become (can't detect miss calls, camera not working, dies for no reason, got bite marks, paint chipped etc.) I love it still. Call me a sentimental bag of mush, but yeah, I cried and cursed the asshole who took it from me. May he rot in hell, the bastard.

Cursing done with, moving on to the First Beat itself. Simply put, it was really good. For me. I really enjoyed it. I don't know how much others may share the same sentiments as me, but to me it had to be one of the best nights of rock music I have ever had (#1 being the time I went to see Linkin Park live). First of all, not only was the setting good (thanks to us) but some people who went, my group of friends included, took great care and effort for our outfits. I decorated my own mask, bought a new dress and new shoes just for that night. And I think we looked awesome. Sarah with her Japanese style and boots, Sofia with 'emo giler' eyeliner and rocker look, Aliya looking like an edgy Egyptian princess, Faris like some phantom piano maestro (haha), Nana looking every bit like a rocker chic with her black zip bodice and electric blue chiffon, and then me, (in Sarah's words) classy and vintage. Hehe.

Also begging mention is Siva, (picture this) with his cowboy hat, leather cape, wrestler-like belt and Wellingtons! (you know those rubber boots? yeah those) Then Audrey, who won the Best Dressed Female, with her handmade dress with this huge wire hoop and flowing train. Also, Asha with her belly dancer costume (sexxayy!), Francis looking exactly like The Joker, and my own personal favourite, the jihad terrorist (no need to mention the name here).

The concert had a lot of good rock music. Especially towards the end. Nana performed with the newly-formed band, Inphyrite. Faris played the keyboard and the infinitely cool Shanwayne on guitar. Her voice was great. People also really enjoyed Monisha's performance, singing "Zombie" by Cranberries. That got people jumping.

There was also beatboxing, and it was really cool. Especially when Vikram (the beatboxing pro) and Gordon (who's got this awesome voice btw) did "Stand By Me". It was really cool and interesting. Then were the rock songs. There was one performance where they did an instrumental of Jimi Hendrix's song (damn it I can't remember what, Joe something I think) and even better one where the band played their own original composition, also purely instrumental. It was reminiscent of that pure, classic metal you can't get much anymore. It was very much like a Metallica ballad - I died and went to heaven during that song, seriously. Pity the sound system wasn't that great. Then, the topping on the cake was Fuse, a returning band from previous First Beats. The moement they said they were going to play Metallica, I died again and went to heaven, again. They played "For Whom The Bell Tolls" and "The Memory Remains" then went on to sing Megadeth's version of Sex Pistols' "Anarchy in the UK" and "Kill The King". They also did a freestyle jam in between. They were really cool dudes - I love their taste in music.

So yeah, after a while I just thought "what the hell" and took off my shoes, and did a good measure of screaming and headbanging. Seriously good therapy actually. Until today, the rock vibe is still strong and even when I'm doing my work and listening to my headphones, I'd do a bit of headshaking and feet tapping, although I'm sitting right there in the open in the library. Who cares!

What also infuriates me is that there are still some close-minded people who think rock is trash and head-banging is some sort of crime. What is wrong in enjoying yourself, letting go for a while and letting yourself immerse in some good, live music? It's not always you get to see a gig like this, although the performers are all students and you only paid a measly RM6. To me, if they charged more, I would STILL go. Not because 'its the place to be' crap, or some kind of 'semangat AIMST' thing, but because the knowledge that students who sincerely want to play some great songs that you probably would never see live by the real band (Metallica in Malaysia? Seriously). To put it simply, if you know you can never have a single ounce of appreciation for live rock music, think that the people you enjoy it are idiots (only a bigger idiot can identify with another idiot, fyi) and yet you still want to show your face there, you're wasting your time complaining and making snooty remarks. You'll just make people, like me, vent like some mad train on her blog in the middle of the night when she should either be sleeping or doing work. You know, when I hear these things, it makes me an even bigger fan of rock music. (While under the pretense of searching info online, there I was, watching videos of Metallica on Youtube) So thanks a lot. You have made me a bigger fan and and even bigger advocate against narrow-mindedness everywhere. Salute! XP

P.S. Ok, its not just the phone and narrow-minded dimwits, I'm also SAKIT HATI. This angst music is just complementing with my current state of mind. Its like this underlying misery just waiting to eat away at me. I wish I never got stuck in this. Now its too late. Damn you.

Progress...

2009-11-11T10:51:00.002+08:00

Since today is one of those rare days when there is only ONE HOUR of lecture this evening, I might as well take this opportunity to post something short. Hopefully short.

I know I should be doing all those Bio and Physics notes I'm so determined to do, or start on that lab report (due next week though) or even plain ol' study right now. Instead, I've been doing laundry and moving about quite slowly I guess because suddenly it's already 11am. Anyway, I just want to mention some things that have been going on these past 2 1/2 weeks here after the break.

I guess you could say that it has been quite eventful. The first night back there was the Ramli Ibrahim classical Indian dance concert here. I got to take a photo with him. The first day of class was unremarkable because the lecturers didn't start teaching anything yet. We all were just excited to see everybody again I suppose. Certain people, more so. :)

On the social scene, the first week was packed with birthdays and somehow or rather, my batch has a thing for celebrating birthdays. That week, there were 3 surprise birthday parties and for all 3, I was in the committe that went to buy the cakes. All 3 were Secret Recipes. Imagine, that Monday and Tuesday of the first week we went to CS to buy the cakes, 2 days in a row! The 3rd time, thankfully, we went to the other Secret Recipe branch at Village Mall. If we went for the 3rd time to the same shop, the workers there will surely look as us strangely because it was the same faces again! But I love the feeling of being part of something which will make someone feel special on their special day. :)

I also joined the Movie Club recently. It was fun to discuss which movies to play for our weekly movie screening at the Medical building because there were so many nice movies out there. Sakkun and I also became the 2 people in charge of taking donations. Our earnings weren't as good but it was our first time I guess and it depends on the movie playing and how many who showed up. Last week was Sweeney Todd.

This weekend, I'm looking forward to First Beat, our university's own talent show/party. The theme this year is Halloween (they had wanted to make it on Halloween itself but not enough time). Naturally, our gang already bought our masks the first week itself and last weekend we bought our dresses. I won't spoil it here for those who don't know yet but I daresay our dresses was worth the money and searching. :D However, I'm still not 100% sure which shoes I'll be wearing! Another trip to CS is already planned. LOL.

Oh yeah, I've started wearing contact lenses. It still needs getting used to seeing my face without the glasses. But I've wanted to wear them for a long time and since I'll be wearing a mask on First Beat, I need to get contacts anyway. So I thought, why not start now? I tell you, the look on some people's faces when they saw me. It was AWESOME. Hahaha. Everybody says I look better. I'm glad I'm those lucky few who don't get eyebags from wearing glasses. So yeah, forgive me if I sound like a braggart, but I'm feeling really good right now. Despite that our exam results are coming out soon. Despite that I'm still unsure. I'm great! :D :D :D

La-di Dah........

2009-10-19T19:54:00.002+08:00

Ok, so I'm back in KL for a cruelly short term break. Its so unfair! The FIS July batch only gets a week off after 3 months of slave labour. This is what you get when you join the 'express' batch. Great.

My uncle's persandingan was last Friday and even at my advanced age, I was one of the flowergirls. Which is ok by me since I've been anticipating the day my uncke would get married. However, I did think I was way too old to be sitting on the steps of the pelamin, legs daintily crossed under such that you'll completely lose sensation in one buttock after a while, and smile sweetly as people watched. Been there, done that. I'm a veteran. Its time to let the young 'uns do the hard work. Anyway, the whole affair was tiring but enjoyable too. Best wishes to my beloved uncle and new aunt, may they have all the happiness in the world together. :)

Now, the best thing about being back is the food. Food is a Godsend. As expected from a multiracial cafeteria, there is no pork and no beef at the university. Since I'm a born and bred meat-eater, is it any wonder that the first thing I ate when I arrived in KL at about 11pm is steak? On top of that, the following Saturday, we went to a not officially opened steak shop. My father had been raving about this place since the first time I came back to KL, but the place is all the way in Subang. But lucky me, the chef, who once worked in the Buckingham Palace (yes, the one and only) is opening a branch right in my neighbourhood! So this guy is a master butcher and an expert at preparing the best meat around. So the concept is that you select the fresh meat (like at a butcher shop) and they will prepare it for you. You don't pay for the cooking, just the meat. Its very simple fare but the meat in itself is so good, you really don't have to bother with other accompaniments.

We had Wagyu beef, ribs, lamb shanks and the best of it all, Chateu Brion (I hope that's the correct spelling) which is tenderloin beef. It was superb! I ate so much that towards the end of the 4 courses, everybody said my face was red! (At times like these, don't be stupid enough to check your blood pressure) But seriously, it was so good, I could say that it will compensate for the next few months when I get back to uni. I mean, such feasts once in a while is acceptable, but once in a while must be stressed. And in my case, it really isn't that often. I can get away with it. Hehe.

So that pretty much sums up the weekend so far. I really am taking advantage of the fact that I don't need to study (yet), hence have the time to ramble a bit here. Its true that I barely have the time to do work, study and have some downtime (online shopping included!) while I'm there, yet alone post an update on my blog. Somehow, blogging, for me at least, takes a while. Furthermore, I mistakenly left my diary there so yeah, I am in need of medium to vent. So this is it.

*tapping nails on keyboard*

Oh never mind.

Stolen Enjoyments

2009-10-07T02:12:00.006+08:00

Its been crazy long since I last updated my blog! Geez... If ever I take out my laptop, its to surf for some assignment (like just now I had to finish yet another titration lab report for chemistry - 3 titration experiments?! Don't you think we all already know how to do the damn thing by now?!) And doggone it, I miss online shopping. Just scrolling down the blog updates is enough to know how MUCH I missed.

But I guess I must make do since my exam is NEXT WEEK. I can hardly believe that its nearly 3 months and my first term will be over b next Friday. We had our last lectures and tutorials today. So far we only know that we'll be changing Chemistry lecturers and Physics will stay. I'll miss my Maths lecturer the most; Khor The Legend!!! He's the most adorable old man and so funny. And we all now have the 11th Commandment drilled into our heads: "Thou shalt not divide by zero." Haha. At least it didn't get too boring in the lecture hall when he made his jokes.

But in a more serious tone, I must say that its the pressure here is terrible. I might just be exaggerating, but looking around, its really pressuring to see everybody studying like crazy and you're there constantly thinking you're aeons behind. Everybody seems to have their work always done early, have studied everything and on top of every subject. To be honest, I think I do reasonably enough at the pace I'm comfortable with, but you just keep thinking, "Is this enough compared to everybody else?" There's so many smart people here that the competition is insane. How do 700 people compete for just 200 Medic seats? Sometimes I look around and wonder who would I be able to continue seeing next year during the degree intake and who would have to agonisingly repeat the year. Unsurprisingly, I heard that most of the students who get into Medic are the repeaters, STPM and A-level leavers and even a handful of Medic students who dropped their course overseas to do it here. If so, how does the SPM leaver compete with these students who have done it all before? I'll tell you how. Study 24/7. (Like someone I know........)

Having said all this, I know that in the end, I don't want to look back to my university years and not remember anything else except the studying. I do intend to collect experiences and memories so that I could say, "Yeah I had fun too." It would suck to just remember how stressed up you were and the endless work. So no. I won't sink that low. Instead, I'll grab any opportunity to do something meaningful and worth remembering. Like last weekend, the university became the hosts for the Asian Youth Kabaddi Tournament so for at least a week, we had different faces here. The furor started when the Japanese and Iranian team arrived. All the girls got excited I tell you. Personally, the Iranian guys were, naturally, smoking hot. The Japanese dudes were cute and better, friendly too.

It was fun actually watching the kabaddi matches. I never heard about the game before up until a friend told me that the objective of the game was for one person to touch an opponent and escape safely to his side of the court before they jump on top of him. Literally. Once you touch, the opponents can tackle you to make sure you don't anywhere near to your safe zone. It was wild to see how they tackled each other. Imagine a bunch of dudes all going after this one person, prepared to pull legs, grab and pin you down. Seriously, it was exhilarating to be in the huge crowd that showed up to watch the final games. It was like watching a football match. The noise! Some of us were sad when the competition ended, especially the ones who managed to make friends with the players. There was a lot of pictures taken and souvenirs exchanged. Luckily I didn't have a penchant for any particular player or not I would be angau for days. *wink wink!*

Then that following Monday night we had a lantern festival. There were some booths selling stuff, the popular I think was the Sticker Monster booth, selling stickers and rhinestones. Later, there was a lantern procession to the sports centre to send off the huge lanterns up to the sky. It was really nice to see the different colours of small lanterns that people (including me!) bought and lit up. Watching lantern launching was awesome. Some made it, some didn't. One made it up to the moon but then made its way down before extinguishing.

Then, most recently, we girls made our own steamboat! Last Friday was our English Oral exam but after that we were free so we went to CS and did shopping!!! I finally found the wedges I wanted and they are DAMN GORGEOUS. I shopped and shopped... so yeah, definitely no online shopping for now, no matter how tempting it is, Scout's honour. We bought the stuff for the steamboat (Aliya suddenly had an inspiration to buy a steamboat and bring it here after Raya) and since we had no way of making a proper stock, we just bought tomyam soup to use as the base. And not forgetting, PINK sparkling grape juice! And it was pretty good. We bought lots of stuff to throw in. Opening the juice bottle was the funniest. We screamed the cork popped, hahaha.

So yes. Where there's time to be serious, there's also time to let go and have fun. I'm so glad that my life isn't that boring. I would die.

Our modest attempt at hostel-made steamboat

Aha, no liquour here folks! Just innocent, pink sparkling grape juice...

Addicted

2009-08-31T14:05:00.005+08:00

The first thing I did on Merdeka morning (okay, not exactly morning since I woke up at nearly 12pm), was check my phone and find out from Aliya that the orders for clothes at clothesforchics.blogspot.com is closed! Oh, the anguish!

So the next thing I did was take out my dinky little HP Notebook, connect to this unknown wireless connection we love taking advantage of, and go online to check the site. I want that dress so badly!

Aliya said she called the girl managing the site and she said she'll try asking if she can fit in another order. My fingers are crossed!

So anyway, since I was online, I've been looking at other local blogshops and every other minute or so, a little sqeal will escape my lips as I scroll down gorgeous items and dirt-cheap prices. Its SOOO tempting to just place an order and have this stuff mailed to AIMST. Seems incredulous but the other girls have joined the bandwagon. Recently, a friend bought these awesome white patent leather heel boots and had it mailed HERE. Amazing.

I've been like this since last Friday. In fact, we all camped in Aliya's room, each with our own laptops and went surfing that night after watching a movie. Me, Aliya and Nana were surfing for clothes and accessories until 4am. Tak jadi sahur.

Same thing happened last night. Coming back from buka puasa at McD (I finally got to taste meat after a long time; had a Quarter Pounder haha) and a shopping stint in CS, I suddenly decided to do makeovers for Sakkunthala and Sofia with my liquid eyeliner and mascara. And with total bragging rights, I must say they looked FAB. At the same time, I was online looking at the hundreds of clothes. We went down at 1am with an excuse to have early sahur but to be honest, we were just hungry. But by the time we reached there, the kitchen was closed. So went back up, opted for the food available in my closet and continued onlining. Slept at 6am. It was funny that when we started to sahur at 2, my other two roommates were about to sleep, but then later at 5 when they woke up to sahur, we were still on the sofa surrounded by food. When they came back, we were also still awake. Hence, slept at 6. Hee heee.

So here I am, deciding to chronicle a few very crazy accounts of this long weekend. To sum it up, I went out on Friday and Sunday. Its a good thing I decided last minute to not follow Sarah and the rest who incidentally went out to Queensbay Mall in Penang and spent 2 whole hours in Forever 21 (its at times like these that I miss KL). Only God knows what I was capable of if I did go with them. Up to now, I'm already become a follower for 5 blogshops I think and maybe more to come.

P.S. My quiz week starts tomorrow. Supposed to be studying. Naughty naughty.... (looks like its gonna be another late night... XD)

P.P.S. Coincidence?: I went to Bank Islam on Friday after class to get my ATM card. Soooo.... JPA money is IN! LOL

Weekend

2009-08-02T11:23:00.005+08:00

Its already the 3rd weekend since I've been here and the only weekend we DIDN'T go out. It was a collective decision not to - we spend like mad everytime we do! The first time, around RM80, the second time, about RM100 (although in my defense, the second time around I had to buy my train ticket home for raya in advance, so about RM50 gone just for that).

All the JPA scholars tengah bengang because our allowance hasn't been wired into accounts yet. Heck, we haven't even received our ATM cards yet. Arrgh. But there has been word that they'll send a lump sum in the end of this month. I hope so. The books have been quite expensive. And we also wouldn't mind some cash to play around with. Hehe.

This week was ok. Only on Friday did I really feel the wear and tear. I've become like quite the old maid - having back pain. Boohoo. So I've taught Sofia how to picit belakang. Its quite a scene to see her pressing against my back in the middle of the cafeteria and me going, "Kuat lagi! Kuat lagi!" XD

They have a free screening of a movie every Friday night and this week was "The Graduate" with Dustin Hoffman. He was really young in that movie. I've always wanted to watch that movie and it did turn out to be a good one. And the thing we all agreed on was how nice the songs were. Especially that song by Simon and Garfunkel, "Scarborough Fair/Canticle".

We've also sort of acquired a habit of haunting the cafeteria. We'd get carried away chit-chatting about all kinds of things. And at some point, Faris will start raving all over again about Michael Jackson, bless him. And most of the time, it'll be all girls and he'll be the only guy at the table. So after the movie we took to our haunting place and if the talking wasn't enough, we kept eating too! It didn't help that everybody else in the cafeteria was buying food and the aroma kept wafting over to us and making us hungry when it was already after 10pm. So yeah, I had an ice-cream and a pau. We only made our way back at 1am.

Like we had planned earlier on, we girls had a slumber party! Alia's room was empty that night, so me, Sofia, Nana and Sakkun took our pillows and blankets to crash Alia's room. And like a true girl slumber party, we painted our nails with the nail polish we all bought at SP last weekend (my nails are now a dark sea green :)) We were quite noisy and we only slept around 4am on a couple mattresses that we put on the floor. Any wonder the following morning we woke up at almost noon, haha.

The weather here has been either sunny or raining. Yesterday it rained in the afternoon while we were marooned at the cafeteria (again). Our umbrellas were put to the test with all the rain and wind this week. In fact, the other day it rained really heavily and I got my shoes and jeans drenched. Imagine my frustration when it turned out that class was cancelled after I got there - Grrr! So far, at least once our umbrellas have upsided. We laugh ourselves silly when that happens.

I think I've been hogging the laptop and rambling for a quite a while now, so until next time, cheers!

Slumber party!

Battling the wind and rain

Umbrella Upsided!

Best main hujan... :D

Update!: Life at University

2009-07-29T22:25:00.002+08:00

This is my second weekend in AIMST and only now do I have a chance to really write down what has been going on. Not that its been hectic, but sitting down to write about everything takes loads of time and I don't actually have my own laptop just yet. *hint hint!

But luckily each room has an internet port and all my other room mates have laptops, yay!

Then again, there are so many computers and free internet here that I actually don't have much of an excuse for not writing this post sooner.

Anyway, let's talk about what I've been up to.

Over a week ago, I finally registered into university; AIMST that is. Since then, I've been pretty much loving every minute of being here. Seriously. It's been so much fun!

I've been really lucky. The place is just awesome. And at the beginning, there were already a few friends here too, Sofia and Faris. We spent our first night here wandering around campus after dinner, exploring and 'menikmati keheningan malam.' Haha. There was a point where we just sat on the benches near the lake. I siap baring on the bench to look up to the night sky. But then, Sofia and a friend of ours, Leonard were sharing a bench so a pak guard from afar dah mulalah fikir bukan-bukan. Before he could blow his whistle on us, we pun cabutlah. Heehee.

Orientation was just 2 days. The first day was mostly briefings about students affairs and stuff that we should know. They also took us on a tour of the library. My God, that place is freezing. In fact, my friend Sarah calls it 'The Human Freezer.' It's colder than a bloody morgue. Everytime we go there, (which is almost everyday; rajin betul ;)) wajib bring a jacket or cardigan. The lecture hall is also really cold. I sure hope I don't get sick from going from hot to cold, then cold to hot regions too often.

2nd day of orientation is what I call 'soft ragging'. The university is stern about this being a 'ragging-free zone' but our foundation seniors (from the May batch) obviously took the opportunity to torture us, a teeny bit. The moment we heard that we were to wear sports attire and gather at the sports complex at 8am and worst of all, wear dark clothing (a sure sign water, mud, and flour was going to be involved), we knew it. The first activity was icebreaking then we got into groups. Then we had to create an identity for our group by doing a poster with the group logo and name, cheer, dance and a costume for the group leader with newspaper and tape. Honestly, the stuff we all came up with was hilarious. A highlight was the moment Faris got famous by doing the MJ moonwalk in front of everybody. Now he's known as 'the one that did the moonwalk.' Hahaha. The seniors also opened the floor to dance and there were some really cool performances and impromptu krumping and shuffling. So cool. I only wish I had a camera then. Darn.

After lunch was when the torture began. We had to play all sorts of 'sukaneka' type of races and games, and some were pretty impossible to do. I fell down twice, once during the 'tug of war' when my group did the final, massive tug that won us the game. Another during the race where we had to put our feet in mud, ice water and congealed flour then crawl under crisscrossed strings (like that exercise in military training). I slipped on the flour and mud during the crawl so my whole front was covered with sticky white stuff and grass. We lost that one so as punishment, the other team could douse us with a pail of water. It was so hot that day that we all became gluttons for punishment. Me and my big mouth, calling for the guy, Surin to quickly fling the water over - in the end I was the only one that got wet. But it felt sooo good! At least for a while - my clothes dried quite fast under the sun. Surin sort of felt guilty afterwards and kept apologising, hehe. After all the games, we were beat. Thank God I'll never have to do orientation ever again!

The first Saturday here we already made to visit Sungai Petani or SP to watch Harry Potter. But my God, it was so hard to get out of AIMST. We waited for the bus for over an hour, then finally managed to get a taxi. In the end we missed the movie because people in SP apparently do watch Harry Potter so the tickets were sold out. Went shopping instead, ahaha.

The first week of classes has actually been pretty relaxed. Our timetable isn't actually packed so Sofia and I now frequent the library in between the lectures in the morning and the tutorials in the afternoon. Its also because we've come to a horrible realisation that we forgot a massive chunk of our Form 4- and 5-acquired knowledge. And the competition here is tough. 300 students, most of which vying for Medicine seats. Yikes.

Today I spent the whole day chit-chatting. First with my housemate for 2 hours then sambung during roti canai lunch. Then the rest of the gang joined us and we spent all day, until dinner, just sembang-sembang about all kinds of stuff. After dinner, we went to the track and field where we just went round and round the track, listening to songs and getting bitten by mosquitoes. Then at 9.30 we kena halau again by a pak guard. Then sambung lagi chit chatting at the cafeteria. I see a trend coming. HAHA.

Here's some photos. (all photos courtesy my camera phone)

My bed

My desk (notice the open Chemistry book -rajin betul huh...^_^)

The living room and pantry of the apartment

The pantry

Check out the beautiful scenery just outside my room window!

Sunset from my window...

Our new little friend

Hahaha! Sofia tak pakai kain!!!

The female hostels

The Dental faculty building (all our lectures and tutorials are conducted here)

Far left: Student centre and cafeteria; right: library; far right: Dental and Engineering building (beyond that, in the centre is the admin building)

first floor of the cafeteria

Atrium of the 'Human Freezer'

Sports complex

And now...

Photos of outing day!!!

On our way to the bus-stop, sempat berposing with our umbrellas...

Minah Payung!!!

All the gals...

(Alia, Sofia, Sarah, Nana, Sakkunthala and Lily)

Lunch at KFC...lepas penat berjalan and braving SP traffic

Back at our hangout at the cafeteria (with our 'stepdad' Faris, haha)

Peace!

P.S. The first part of this post was done last Saturday before our second outing but I could only finish it today - all thanks to my dahling Sofia for lending me her laptop! ;)

P.P.S. The weather here has been awesome. That's why the photos are so pretty...:)

Forgetting

2009-06-17T23:12:00.005+08:00

For a usually forgetful person, certain things I really find difficult to forget.

Like how I cannot forget the smell of Lancome's Miracle perfume.

Like how I cannot forget some of my dreams, while completely forgetting others.

Like how I still remember the biting cold on my bare fingers from eating cotton candy in Paris (it was the beginning of winter).

Like how I cannot forget all kinds of bits and bobs of general knowledge (a.k.a mostly useless information) that I picked up through the years. I have no idea where in my brain am I storing all this junk.

Like how I can recall the smell of the classroom where I took French language classes. :)

Like how sometimes, I can automatically sing along the lyrics of songs I haven't heard in years.

Like how I remember my mother's hands easier than anything else about her.

Like how I cannot forget the only time I saw my father cry.

Like how I cannot forget the times I upsetted or really lost my temper at the people I love most.

Like how I cannot forget the faces of all the best friends I've ever had since kindergarten.

Like how I cannot forget all the embarassing moments I've had with the boys I've liked. :$

Like how I still remember where all the moles went.

Like how I cannot forget how insanely happy and utterly confused he made me feel.

Like how I cannot forget that look.

Like how I cannot forget that smile.

Like how I cannot forget that voice.

I really wish I could forget the last 5, but I always seem to forget to forget.

Sorry.

But there'll be more unforgettable moments to come... :)

Nostalgia

2009-06-13T15:47:00.020+08:00

At first, I thought I'd just scan old photos and put them up to show how my hair has evolved over the years in my previous post. But then, I got into flipping through the old albums and had a great laugh seeing how different I used to look like! So it evolved to this really big post with loads of pictures! Enjoy!

At one years old...my hair is straight!!!

Amboi...ayunya...haha

"Oh, I know I look so cute in this!"

Hair is starting to curl...

...and then, BAM!

Check out the hair!!!

Opposites - and I'm the darker one! :(

OMGWTF. Anak keling mana ni??!!!

Wah...rambut macam Mak Datin tau...

My Yellow Power Ranger Bag!

Phuket '98 - Staying cool in the sun!

Perth, 2000. I braided my hair and put beads in!

Primary 4 - The Beginning of the Tomboy Years

Primary 5 - I wore sneakers to school EVERYDAY, and I was a prefect!

This was my usual outfit during the Tomboy Years; t-shirt, big straight-leg jeans (oh, the horror) and my sneakers...

Primary 6 (I'm the one right in front with the least respect for school rules - rolled sleeves, unbuttoned top, and that BIG hair at the back)

2004
(Try to ignore those horrible unplucked brows and frizz..)

Budak sekolah yang baik...

And so, the transformation begins...

When I cut it really really short

"I KEEL you!!!"

One day at Pusat Sains Negara...

Mrs Nordin's 70s & 80s themed birthday bash - Groovin' and movin' takes intense concentration!

Me and Mrs Nordin in our full costume!

Christmas Dinner 2008

New Year's Bash 2009

At my 18th Birthday Party

Pelajar cemerlang gitu... XD

Muka baru bangun tidur, haha! (Photo courtesy of Nizzar)

Dipaksa posing by the little cameraman... (Raya Haji 2009)

The little cameraman/Ultraman

P.S. This post took me ages to do! But I enjoyed it... stay tuned for Nostalgia 2...

Curly Hair 101

2009-06-11T16:47:00.006+08:00

I've wanted to do a post on just curly hair for as long as I started this blog. I find that most people (most hairdressers and hair stylists included) really haven't a faintest idea on how to handle curly hair properly. After 18 years of experience with this hair of mine, allow me to shed some light on curly haircare.

First, let's deal with some myths surrounding curls.

Myth #1: Curly hair IS an afro.

Fact: So not true! In fact, they are two separate categories - curly hair and kinked/wiry hair. The difference is actually a lot. The most obvious being that both look completely different from each other. Curly hair (if the word curly isn't descriptive enough) forms curly locks of several strands of hair. Kinked/wiry hair looks like frizz, whereby each and every strand is naturally zigg-zagged and individual, therefore creating the fuzzy look. So please don't make the mistake by describing beautiful curls as a 'fro'.

[Ah, but if you do like afros, curly hair can easily be turned into one by blowing wet hair upside down, at the same time combing and back-combing to separate each strand. Keep it big and high with lots of hairspray. I've done it once. ;)]

Myth #2: Curlyheads can only have long hair to look good.

Fact: You can have any length - long, mid-length or short. Really short, pixie-like styles is also possible (think Halle Berry when hers was short), but remember to make sure it suits your face-shape. The only thing about deciding the length is it really depends on whether you are willing to spend time doing your hair or not. If the answer is no, short and mid-length is better because it takes less maintenance.

[If you want to go short, stick to a layered cut (think Meg Ryan during her heyday) to prevent sides from spilling over and making you look like a frilly mushroom. In fact, best always go layered, no matter what the length. Blunt cuts are so outdated.]

Myth #3: Curly hair must be washed everyday to keep it under control.

Fact: You so think you're taking the easy way out by washing your hair daily so that you won't have to deal with frizz. Keep doing that and your hair will become even drier, frizzier and more prone to split ends. Don't ever do it. Just stick to this rule - wash it every other or every 2 days (you can even go more than that if you're so lazy, like me. Just as long people don't start avoiding you). The reason why you got to do this is because curly hair is the most manageable and the nicest a day after a wash. It has picked up natural oils, which is the best at keeping it tame. Same thing applies if you need your hair looking best for a function. It's better to wash the day before or 2 days before.

[If you really need to wash soon after your last wash, skip the shampoo. Instead, rinse, condition well then rinse.]

Myth #4: You cannot comb curly hair!

Fact: It's difficult but it can be done. My advice? Don't comb...when it's dry. It hurts like hell! Save yourself from the torture and only comb it when wet and conditioned (before rinsing out the conditioner) when you bath/shower. I do that, and it is such a lifesaver. Experts will say, "No, must comb or it'll tangle! Use a boar's bristle brush!" bla bla bla... Okay, as for tangles, yes, you must comb. But! the boar's bristle brush is expensive. Don't bother with it. My experience tells me that the best method is: When wet - wide-toothed comb; When dry - your fingers!

[I never understood why hairdressers are so stubborn and won't listen to me when I tell them to comb before rinsing out conditioner and not after. They always look at me strangely, as if I don't know how to handle my own hair!!!]

Myth #5: There is no point trying to have curly hair in humid weather. Look what happened to Monica in Friends when they went to the Bahamas.

Fact: All I can say is, I'm proof! It takes work but our Malaysian tropical weather should NOT be the reason why you need to commit 'curl murder' and go do rebonding/straightening. DON'T DO IT. The process not only destroys your opportunity of being so totally unique, but damages the hair beyond repair. Plus, it's much cheaper to maintain your natural hair type than changing it.

Enough myths. Time to go into the super-important tips for everyday care for your curly hair.

ALWAYS use moisturising shampoo and conditioners. If need extra, use leave-in conditioner after every wash.

NEVER wash everyday. Remember the rule!

NEVER comb everyday. (Why in the world would you want to put yourself through such God-awful pain everyday anyway?)

Sorry, but you MUST use a cream or mousse on your hair after you wash. It's the only way your hair is guaranteed frizz-free or at least, frizz-minimised.

IMPORTANT! Recipe for perfect bouncy springy curls: Apply product when hair is wet and style by twisting the locks around your index finger. Begin by dividing hair to 3 sections: right, left and back. At each section, take hair by layer (starting from bottom) and twist about 1cm-wide or wider locks. Do whole head. Leave to dry naturally. For more volume, dry the roots only with a diffuser, leave the rest to dry naturally. The best part is you don't have to do this everyday, only twice a week at least, after each wash.

Again, it's easiest to comb every time you wash. Apply conditioner, comb for a few minutes to get the tangles out, then rinse. Keep a comb handy next to your shampoo bottle.

Your fingers is all you need if you really want to keep it as cheap as possible. Comb and style with it. While other people need curling irons, rollers and perms, we curlyheads need only a couple of fingers and a little product!

And that's all! It's really that simple. Of course, this is for the everyday gal who can't afford the time, energy and money to do treatments and more high-maintenance stuff. This is basically all I do for my hair. These are definitely time-tested tips from someone who really knows about curly hair and the stress that goes into it when trying to keep it manageable.

As for products, Dove shampoo and conditioner for Dry hair is excellent and I've been using it for years. I am a great fan of the Japanese brand Lucido-L Moisture Styling hair cream. Its got no fragrance so you don't feel too bombarded with smell when you apply it and its non-sticky. Plus, it only costs RM15 at Watsons and Guardian. One bottle can last me 2-3 months++.

I believe it really worth taking a little time and effort to take care of this type of hair. All it needs is some TLC. Sure, I spend an hour max. washing, styling and blowing my hair. But it's only a couple times a week and the results pay off. Girls who truly embrace their natural curly hair are rare. And it doesn't hurt to receive compliments every now and again! ;D

Bottomline, embrace your beautiful, naturally curlicious hair!

Say NO to rebonding/straightening! :D

Today

2009-06-10T17:43:00.002+08:00

Today, I:

Woke up at 3am. Had fallen asleep with a headache and the light on. Brushed teeth then sambung tidur.
Tossed and turned; Metallica kept playing in the background while truckload of choices, decisions, pros and cons and info were clanging noisily around in my head.
Finally fell asleep around 5am I think. (Could hear the morning bird calls)
Went to JPA's office in Putrajaya. Such a pretty place yet so empty. And stupid parking. Heard what I already knew and accepted it.
Discuss, discuss, discuss - walking back to the car, in the car and over lunch.
Went home. Moved slowly in my room, cleaning up and changing.
Painted my nails electric blue. A sucker punch of colour always helps.
Wandered aimlessly in cyberspace.
Had a long, lighthearted conversation with Sofia, with whom I'll most probably be coursemates with, in that land (not so) far away. Told her to get a car since she has a C license already so that we can go outing. Haha.
Then... Here I am, writing a silly post.

For further inquiries, (which I know there will be since I'm cleverly talking in code) please leave a comment below. Tee hee!

And, oh yeah...

11. I missed you! Where you been?! (metaphorically; you already told me after I asked you only a million times XD)

P.S. Why don't you call me this time? It's your turn!!! XP

Friends and Lovers

2009-06-03T22:39:00.008+08:00

I just heard the song "Never Be The Same Again" by Melanie C and Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes on the radio and it reminded me of how much I used to love the song.

I think the first time I heard it was when I was in Primary 5 and crushing (I stress the word, crush) on the boy sitting beside me and who was a good friend of mine. The lyrics pictured exactly what's it like to like your own friend and wish you could have something more. I thought the song fitted my situation exactly then. Thinking back on it, it didn't. Because like all my early and silly crushes, it all went unspoken, unrequited and quickly dissolved. And I was 11 years old, for Heaven's sake! What could an 11 year old ever hope for when it came to boys? Boys at that age were still spoon-fed by their mothers! Haha.

Back to the present, I realise there aren't any other songs that talk about friends becoming lovers. At least, not that I know of. The closest one is "Anyone Else But You" by the Mouldy Peaches. The lyric goes "You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend..."

Besides that, I can't think of any else. I find that quite strange because that 'friends becoming lovers' thing is so often acted out for television and silver screen. Off the top of my head, there's When Harry Met Sally, Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!, Princess Diaries, not forgetting Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and even Jane Austen's Emma (Emma was so busy matchmaking other people, that she didn't realise she loved her best friend, Mr. Knightley). The last example just goes to show how often it is that friends of the opposite sexes find themselves tiptoeing around the line between friends and lovers, so much so that it could make its way into late 18th century English Literature. But the best example was When Harry Met Sally.

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally:How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: I guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Hahaha.

Well, I never agreed with Harry's theory because I'm pretty sure it's 100% okay to have friends of the opposite sex. I myself have a lot. I believe that it's normal and it makes you a better people person.

However, history does prove that in many cases, either one half of the man-woman friendship will develop feelings for the other but the feelings are not returned and the friendship is goes terribly sour OR both fall in love and proceed to have the best kind of relationships, that is, one based on friendship, trust and deep understanding.

Knowing that it's so much better to fall in love with a person you know well before any romantic feelings were involved, maybe that's why the guys I've crushed on and liked were all friends first. Not once did I meet and get to know someone with the sole intention of turning it into something romantic. In short, I always kind of wanted to have someone who was 'a part-time lover and a full-time friend'. I think it makes everything easier.

Although, it would only work if the feeling is mutual. That's why it's really scary to take the next step. Because you might either gain a lover or lose a friend... And the latter is much worse.

Anyway, this is for you. :)

Lyrics Melanie C lyrics - Never Be The Same Again lyrics

Dreams

2009-05-27T15:57:00.003+08:00

I have always felt that my dreams when I sleep were often really strange. I never can guess what does it really mean. I know there are many 'People say that'-kind of interpretations. Like losing teeth means someone close to you is going to die. Or getting bitten by a snake means you are going to meet your soulmate or 'jodoh' soon. But since my dreams usually border on being completely nonsensical, I'd like to wager if anyone can make sense of what my dreams are made of.

One dream that I still remember, which I had when I was 6 I think, was about a few friends and I being kidnapped. It wasn't as scary as kidnapping goes because it was as if we were just carpooling with our teacher, just that this time she drove a truck. The cargo room at the back of the truck became this really cool playroom with lots of toys, hammocks and pillows. So we were having loads of fun but then it turned out that we were being driven to the South Pole. Then I woke up. And another around the same time was I dreamt that my family owned a zoo or aquarium because it had all of us hosing down a whale. Haha, weird.

My nightmares were also really weird. The scarier ones always have a similar theme - big, old and abandoned buildings, lack of people and huge spaces. And by huge spaces, I mean really huge, until you have this sense of vertigo and emptiness. And usually there will also be staircases and elevators, in a really creepy way. The staircases were always very steep and high, you felt that it led somewhere you didn't want to go. Same thing about the elevators, I'm always alone...so many floors...opening to dark rooms...or long hallways... *Shiver*

I don't remember ever having a dream that when I woke up, I felt happy. They were either ludicrous, weird or creepy. I cried myself awake once when I dreamt that my mother was leaving me (it was when I was little) but in fact, that morning she was going to Hong Kong for a few days. But happy? Does anyone ever wake up from a dream feeling happy?

But another thing about my dreams is that I always dream about the guys I've liked. Every single one. (At least the ones that were 'important'; no Gerard Butler though.) In these cases, I've tried futilely to interpret them. Once, I dreamt that the guy I liked (then) was with me and it seemed ok but he was always avoiding my eye or worse, trying to avoid me altogether! So I took this as a bad omen. That time, in reality, I was trying to get his attention. Then, at a time I wanted to forget him, he would show up in my dreams, smiling and reminding me of him. It was very frustrating.

Now the question is, if I dream about a certain someone, does that translate that my mind is actually thinking about him or at least, wants me to think about him? Because the fact is, after you had a dream that was different, you tend to mull over it for a while. So the result is, you end up thinking about that person. And it can be particularly puzzling if in that dream, it was good situation so you then ask yourself, what if I try to make that happen? Would the outcome be as good as in the dream?

Hmmm. I don't know.

Guitar Hero 3 Songs

2009-05-08T19:49:00.007+08:00

I thought I'd make it easier for everyone to take a listen to the bulk of the songs featured in the Guitar Hero 3 game since I couldn't find a decent site that allowed people to listen to the songs in full, all in one playlist.

This playlist is by no means the complete song list of all the songs in the game - the total would be almost 50, I guess. But these are my favourites so I hope you'll enjoy them too!

Rock On!

2009-05-07T19:07:00.008+08:00

I haven't written any posts in a while, considering that there is still not much for me to write. Yet, that isn't wholly accurate as there really are a lot of potential topics to write on; anything from the movie I watched last night (Elizabeth: The Golden Age) to something in an attempt to be philosophical to justify the title of my blog.

The fact is, I have been a true lady of leisure so to speak, fully utilising the hours of my day with nothing. On top of that, with the unconscious knowledge that my really long holiday is almost up, the amount my daily activities frighteningly whittle down all the more. It's a millimetre shy from being unhealthy.

But what can I do. I say, just enjoy the luxury of having nothing to do while I still can. After all, as a aspiring Medical student and doctor, that is a luxury that I will probably only have when I'm so old and physically incapacitated, I need help to get to the bathroom and remembering my grandchildren's names. No kidding.

The only scant development I can see in my own person is the length of my hair, the increased distance that the pointer of the weighing machine has to travel when I park my bum on it, and... oh, that's it really. Ha.

Bitterly sarcastic comments aside, the other change I think I can note - while I'm still rambling about sadly unimportant details of my vacationing self - is my strange, newfound appreciation for music that, I quote my very own music critic 3 year-old brother, "bising". I'm dead serious. He actually said, "Bisinglah, Alla." (He calls me Alla) when I was listening to an Incubus song. And Incubus is fairly mainstream rock. Which isn't as bad in comparison to the other songs now crammed on my heavily burdened phone memory card.

I thank (while the other members of the household would blame) Guitar Hero 3 for this higher appreciation for rock. If you're one of the few who haven't ever heard of Guitar Hero 3 (I mean, they even mention it on Channel V), it's a video game. Now, don't roll your eyes just yet. It's totally a unique game and really cool. The concept is simple - press the correct buttons corresponding to the ones moving down the screen to play the guitar for a rock song. The Career mode is about you progressing as a guitar player in a band, from an obscure bunch of dudes playing from their backyard to 'Guitar God' status. The best bit is the songs you get to play. Most of the songs, even if you're naturally not into rock, are nice.

Proving that real rock music are from another era, most of the songs are old. And I mean, old. There were some that were made before I was even born and by bands that not too long ago, I would never fathom I'd ever listen to in my lifetime. The first five songs you play are the easiest and some of the oldest. There was Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (1980) and Kiss' "Rock and Roll All Night" (1979). Then to name a few, there's Scorpion's "Rock You Like A Hurricane" (1984), Aerosmith's "Same Old Song And Dance" (1974), Gun's N Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" (1987) and Santana's cover for Fleetwood Mac's "Black Magic Woman" (Fleetwood Mac-1968, Santana-1970). Not forgetting my ultimate favourite in the game, Metallica's "One" (1988).

As you can see, they're old rock bands and classic songs. And they're actually and quite surprisingly nice to hear. But not all the songs were old, some were very recent hits like Muse's "Knights of Cydonia", Kaiser Chief's "Ruby", The Killers' "When You Were Young" and AFI's "Miss Murder".

The moment I could get my hands on my sister's laptop and Limewire, I downloaded almost all of the songs featured in the game. And when that wasn't enough, my music antennae was on alert for more rock songs to add to my collection. So, suddenly here I was, listening to more of Metallica's songs (my affinity with the band is significant considering that Apocalyptica covers a lot of their songs) and another band called Dream Theater, also a progressive metal band and pretty old too.

I consider myself as always being a rather rock chick for a long time (my first CD that I can call mine was Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory when I was 10). But I never imagined bands older than me - and those of which I know only because you have to be a total frog under a coconut to not know names like Scorpions, Santana, Aerosmith, Gun's N Roses and Metallica - would make their way into my phone/mp3 player. And since Metallica and ACDC has new albums, I've been watching these middle-aged dudes rocking on MTV and Channel V too. Seriously. XD

But it's pretty amazing how a video game (which I myself didn't buy - kudos to brother Nadim) could open my musical pallette like this. It's fascinating how certain things can influence you in such a way. Refreshing. Like Metallica's lyrics in "Nothing Else Matters": Never opened myself this way...everyday for us something new...open mind for a different view...All these words I don't just say...And nothing else matters...

You guys should really give it a try; who knows that you'd find out that you're actually a true rocker at heart and you didn't have a clue.

P.S. For more about the game and to check out its awesome song list (click Tracks from the homepage), go to the official website by clicking here.
P.P.S. I believe Guitar Hero 4 is coming out but it's for PS3 and XBox. Darn.

From Vegetarian to Carnivore

2009-04-19T14:40:00.007+08:00

First of all... Forgive me, God, for I have sinned. I've been really bad.

Yesterday, my good friend Nikhil invited me over for lunch at his house. The Indian New Year was on the previous Tuesday so his mom cooked a traditional vegetarian feast for us. I've always been a fan of Indian food so the lunch really was a treat. I've had vegetarian Indian food before and it's always been delicious.

We started off with a little bit of rice with poppadom and melted ghee. Then, we had the 6 main dishes; pumpkin, golden cucumber, mixed veg, green bananas, ripe mango, cabbage and coconut and sambar (curry) with rice. I also tasted some of the spicy mango pickle and lime pickle but I preferred the mango because it was nice and hot. My friend's mom later spooned out some curd or yoghurt to eat with the rice to help digestion and cool down the stomach from all the spices in the food. I've had banana leaf rice at restaurants before and the yoghurt was often necessary after all the hot curry and rasam (steaming spicy broth). Finally, we had payasam for dessert; warm, sweet and flavoured with cashew nuts. It's like a soup or like Malay bubur chacha or bubur kacang. It was all very delicious and we were so full. So I thought, "I could be a vegetarian if I wanted to."

Apparently not.

Returning from my friend's place, I immediately had to switch gears because that very morning, my parents hatched a plan for a full-out barbecue that evening. So next, we stopped by at the supermarket to buy the salad, stuff for my potato salad, drinks, chicken... The lamb chops, beef ribs, steak, and jumbo sausages were already waiting at home.

An important thing to mention is that having a barbecue is a much-loved tradition in my family. Most of our family gatherings are centered around a hearty barbecue. As for me, my love for barbecue lamb probably came from the traces of Arab blood in my veins from my late mother's side of the family. But on my father's side, my great-great-grandfather and great-grandfather (if I'm not mistaken) were butchers once so that could explain why the whole family is into barbecues.

So, it's pretty much custom to see my father sweat it out with a few of my uncles in front of the grill. For some reason also, our barbecues have a knack of coinciding with a rainy day but rain or shine, we do it anyway. We've had a whole body of lamb barbecued (twice; the first during rain so we had to put an umbrella over the lamb, haha) and we have a huge, custom-made oil-drum set for such purposes. Another favourite at our barbecues is my potato salad. Not to brag, but there never are leftovers. :)

And the food is always a lot. Last night was a feast. It was the first time we did beef ribs (delicious) and my grandma brought my favourite jelly, her special kuih bibir and loads of oranges (which would be a lifesaver afterwards). We also bought a Pavlova cake, which is a bowl-shaped meringue filled with cream and fresh fruit. Any wonder why I ate so much. After I finished my second lamb chop, I could feel my blood pressure spike. Thank God for my grandma and her oranges.

Just when I thought I had sinned enough, I woke just before noon (I was really knocked out) to find that my father was already up and cooking our brunch. And guess what it was? Nasi lemak. And since it was homemade, you could bet that the rice was really lemak.

My doctor would be having nightmares if she knew what I was up to. But then again, I would quote my father's favourite saying during such occasions, "Once in a while..."

Hee hee!

Yum yum...

Love You Guys...

2009-04-17T23:22:00.006+08:00

While the amour is still hot for 'em, might as well just do a short itty bitty post about two guys who rock my world!

#1: Gerard Butler. There is no other celebrity in the world whom I've held a candle for this long. Everything about him makes me melt on the inside. I've loved him from the moment I saw his piercing green eyes when he was the Phantom of the Opera. The best part? He's not married (yet). My most insane desire that I could ever blurt out is him whisking me away into the sunset and marrying me. Reality check! Fat chance. Haha.

By the way, there were sooo many tribute videos for my #1 man and I was terribly spoilt for choice (he's hot in every one anyway!). Should I bother telling you guys to check them out? Hehehe. Anyway, this is a superb one. I feel like crying with every picture. He's too hot... To be real! (There's one in there with him in a pink shirt and a kilt - hahaha, so cute :D)

#2: Paavo Lotjonen (his name isn't actually spelled that way, but I haven't a clue how to put symbols in). Ok, ok. This is fairly new, but boy, my candle is burning bright! (That sounds kinda funny to me but what the heck) Forgive me if this begins to sound repetitive, but yes, he is a member of Apocalyptica. And I'm really into Apocalyptica right now - not that my loyalties will change when the storm blows over, but when I'm into something, I can't stop talking about it.

Anyways, Youtube is my new best friend and I can't stop watching videos of their live performances. I can't help it that I find him sexy, can I? (I don't quite understand it either but yes, he's got serious sex appeal for a cellist) Unlike my darling Mr. Butler however, he's a happily married man with 3 kids. Sigh. But I love him anyway.

There's a funny bit at the end! So cute. :D

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Hey, I just noticed something. They both are like rock stars! (technically, Paavo really is one while Gerard sure dresses like one) I like my rock stars... LOL

Harry Potter + Premenstrual Hormones = Tears???

2009-04-17T20:51:00.007+08:00

Just a while ago, I had resumed my on-off reading of Antonia Fraser's famous book, "The Six Wives of Henry VIII" (I'm beginning to miss The Tudors again - did I mention that the whole show was based on that book? If you're curious about The Tudors, read my post on it) while listening to my new Apocalyptica CD. Not an orthodox combination at all, but that's how I'm weird. Haha.

Anyhow, I chose to shut myself away in front of the computer because I felt I had to jot down this strange but very true experience - with none other than the final installment of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

So it started with me watching yet another rerun of the fifth (and so far the best-made) HP movies on HBO. It got me thinking about the next movie due this summer, how the story will be like, blablabla...and in that strange way my brain works, it lead me to think about the seventh and final book. And I sort of realised that I don't remember it much. And that was how it came to be that I would pick up the seventh book and reread it suddenly.

Ok, FYI that wasn't the weird part. At least not completely.

The weirdest thing was that I cried a hell of a lot during my reading. Which I don't recall me doing when I read it the first time. Admittedly, the first time I did have a lot of throat-constricting and teary-eyed moments but I don't remember actual tears running down my face. And it began from the very beginning!

Ok, not exactly. Soon after the beginning. I suppose the second time round, I knew what was coming so my tear-ducts were prepared early. Because even during the part at the beginning when members of the Order (from here I'll be talking HP lingo so just try and follow if you've never read it) were extracting Harry from his house at Privet Drive to safety it began. My throat started constricting the moment Rowling mentioned poor Mad-Eye Moody and Hedwig (his owl). Even the bit where Harry was sorry that Hedwig was mad at him for not letting her out of her cage often because it was dangerous to was sad. Poor Harry. How would he know that Hedwig and Mad-Eye would die during their precarious journey (as they ran into Death Eaters and Voldemort himself)? Although I knew what was going to happen, my eyes were all wet throughout that whole part; I mourned with the characters. And poor George, losing an ear. I cried as if I was embodying Molly (his mom)!

And then of course, the middle section of the book was quite sad too, what with Harry, Ron and Hermione facing so many adversities. And any mention of Sirius and Dumbledore made me morose. And Dobby died saving Harry and his friends! Poor little Dobby.

But the end was the worst. I cried so much, and over quite a period of time too, my face was never quite dry. Gosh, I had no idea what came over me. Just reading about them rally and fight against evil brought me to tears. It just seemed so awe-inspiring and moving. Even the part where they all thought Harry to be dead, they never gave up and Neville was just so magnificent when he alone challenged Voldemort and managed to kill Nagini on top of that. And the worst part was when Fred, Lupin and Tonks died in combat. Colin Creevey too. It was so incredibly sad. And just when Percy reconciled with his family and Lupin and Tonks just had their baby. And of course, Harry bravely walking to accept his death at the hands of his most bitter foe Voldemort with the ghosts of his parents, Sirius and Lupin by his side just made me cry so bad.

There really was not much of a climax to the book because there was so many amazing deeds and adventures throughout the book. But the most notable parts in my opinion were all the sacrifices. So many characters died in this last book. And their circumstances was almost always what I could say honorable deaths. Besides all these more favourable characters that I've mentioned, Snape, the one we all loathed but turned out to be amongst the biggest heroes in the story; and Wormtail, the traitor; both died. Wormtail's death was bittersweet - killed because of a moment's mercy for Harry, of whom saved his pitiable life once before. The triumphant ending was no surprise and so was the epilogue. But like in most great stories, getting there is the best part.

For the most part, I thought this book was good because it did, after all, move me to tears. I love all seven books in the series, and thinking back, I can't really name particular favourites. Although most HP fans would like to strangle Rowling for killing off so many of our favourite characters, I think it was good and probably necessary developments to the plot.

Sirius' death, the first ever, in the fifth book was a shocker. I remember rushing through to the end, thinking there must be some mistake and he'll surely come back...he couldn't die! Dumbledore's death that followed in the sixth was so tragic. I bawled like a baby during that one. My family members, I recall, were eyeing me as though I had lost my marbles as I wept inconsolably into the pages of my book.

So back to the weirdness of it all, let me state first that I certainly am not a huge crybaby who often cries at any sentimental moment. Therefore, I can only conclude that it was simply the time of the month.

What can I say? It's happened before. You're probably thinking I'm being in denial of my emo-ness by blaming this on premenstrual hormones. God, no. Ok, I can be quite emotional when the occasion calls for it, but I am certain that this time was really those bloody hormones. I mean, the book really was sad but the fact I cried so much... It really is that time of the month. Haha.

To all Harry Potter fans out there, keep reading those amazing books and pray that the next movie, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be even better than the last!

I sure did look a lot like this just now, minus the tissue - I didn't bother reaching for the tissue box nearby...

(by the way, I hope you don't mind me pasting your photo here, Ansy, just wanted to prove a point, haha.)

There I Go, Blabbing Away Again...

2009-04-16T23:06:00.003+08:00

I noticed from the blogs I've read that each post is quite short and quick to the point. Which I think is quite effective, in the sense that you don't get an eyestrain or something from reading. In comparison, my posts oftentime seem really long. And I don't particularly think it's a very good thing, because one can get bored and just stop halfway. I definitely cannot profess that I'm such a good writer to the point that my scribbles are all worth reading and never tiresome. Urrgh. Even the language I use seem pretentious.

Well, I really am awfully sorry if this all really does ring true. My problem is that once I get typing, I tend to write too much and all sorts of ideas flit in and out in between. Most of the time, I make a mental note to elaborate on a certain point I somehow came across during my thought process (although it had no link whatsoever to the current writing).

But I never do. Why? Because 1) I'll forget; 2) Writer's block; and 3) I forgot what I wanted to say in the first place.

Any wonder that my so-called debut novel is currently indefinitely stalled until further notice.

Instead, here I am daydreaming my days away with all the other stories (not the one I'm supposed to be developing) that I have. To the point that I was seriously considering breaking into my brother's room (although I have no idea how I'll manage it, what with the mysterious smell that lingers in there and all that 'boy's room' mess) to get back my ancient Windows 95 computer that still stores all my failed attempts at fiction-writing.

FYI: There is virtually no point in retrieving that bloody computer anyway because thanks to its utter antiquity, no printer can print from it and no disk, thumbdrive, anything can transport its contents to a more advanced computer.

In short, no hopes there!

Unless I rewrite the whole story again... (yeah, sure...all 60+ pages!)

Or I could just continue with futile hopes that some brilliant computer technician out there can extract it when I'm done.... (highly unlikely)

Or I could just finish that bloody novel that I started and be done with it... (if only I could find that thread of thought that so cleverly eludes me!!!)

Ugh. Blabbing again.

Retail Therapy

2009-04-02T18:28:00.003+08:00

Speaking of the retail therapy I had, I bought 2 albums over the past few days. XD

First, I bought Coldplay's new album "Viva La Vida/Death and All Of His Friends" (before my interview day). On top of that, I bought a special edition that included a second CD, "Prospekt's March EP". So it cost about RM50. But it was worth it, totally. I had always liked Coldplay, but since it was quite mainstream and their songs are always played on the radio, I didn't feel a need to buy their previous albums. It's those kind of albums you buy only if you have a lot of money to spare. Which I don't, thank you very much.

Anyway, I wanted to buy their newest album early on when it came out because the songs were much cooler. I also watched their concert in Japan (on MTV, duh; like I would go all the way to Japan to watch a concert) and it was really awesome. I especially liked their performance during "Lover's in Japan" where they had millions of small origami shapes dropped from above over the audience. And of course, "Lost!" because that song is just so fantastic live. So, buying the album is definitely worth it. The songs are really good.

My second round of retail therapy was another album - this time an album I was more eager to purchase. From my older post, I mentioned that I was on the hunt for Apocalyptica's previous albums. And they are not easy to find here in Malaysia. You have to go to really good music stores that have a very wide selection. My fave spots to look for these non-mainstream music is Love Music at Ampang Park, Rock Corner at the Curve and now at KLCC, Victoria Music at Sungei Wang, Speedy Video at Pavillion and of course, Tower of Records has always been a good store for music. I especially like going to Love Music at Ampang Park because although it is a small shop, they have a very impressive selection. And most importantly, they have imported CDs and CDs that you won't otherwise find in a normal store. Rock Corner is also very good because that's where I found my Within Temptation CDs and they also have an excellent selection. They also have the 'High Society' compilations. I really wish I could get one, but it costs a good RM100 each.

Me going into a music store is just as bad as me going into a bookstore. It's hard to resist the temptation to buy something. Because there are so many nice albums and even more books calling you to buy and listen/read them. (Recall a "Confessions of a Shopaholic" scene where store mannequins were calling Becky inside - I get something similar when I'm inside a music/book store) My only problem is money. I eagerly anticipate the day when I earn my own dough. Right now, I must be content with browsing and running my fingers longingly over plastic-wrapped CD jewel cases or superbly sleek and new-smelling books. Sigh.

Aha! But I had my dose of retail therapy, albeit a bit. Yesterday, after my interview, my parents and I went for lunch at Pavillion. And there was where I nabbed my chance to hunt for Apocalyptica and Hurrah! Speedy Video had one copy of "Amplified - A Decade of Reinventing the Cello", a compilation of some of their best hits since their first album. Which I think was absolutely fantastic because I get all their popular songs in one album. And again, like the Coldplay album, I get 2 CDs whereby the second CD had 8 songs with vocals. (Apocalyptica is predominantly an instrumental band but they have collaborations with other artists to add vocals to their songs). I love my new Apocalyptica album because it has most of the songs I've been listening to/watching on Youtube. If only I could get my hands on their "Life Burns Tour DVD" which has their music videos. That's another hunt altogether.

I'm loving their song, "Farewell" (composed by Perttu - absolute genius!). It's just beautiful. Watch this video!

Last but not least, kudos to my Baba for giving me the RM60 for my Apocalyptica CD. Thanks! ;D

P.S. I just remembered - I also got a new tube of lipgloss, M.A.C.'s Viva Glam Special Edition LipGlass (wearing it right now by the way!). It was a surprise buy actually; I really didn't expect it. Thanks Mummy!

Interview Post-Mortem

2009-04-02T17:41:00.003+08:00

Considering my interview for my JPA scholarship application was around the corner, I think that was the reason why I sought for distraction in the form of Youtube videos last weekend. And also retail therapy. Retail therapy helps a lot. Haha.

The interview was yesterday and it was okay, easier than I expected. There were basically four parts; the first part we were to introduce ourselves, then they'll give us a question and each of us (the interview was conducted in groups of 5) had to give our opinion on it. The question was, "Condoms, needles and syringes should be given freely to drug addicts to curb HIV/AIDS". The third part we were asked about the reasons we chose our courses and the last part was where we could ask them questions about anything.

During the self-introduction, everyone else talked mostly about their achievements in school; Pengawas lah, President for this club lah, participant in that competition lah... It was all the things that the interviewers could see from their applications. It also sounded like a reading of a list. Since I was the last one to speak, I knew that I did not want to rattle on about my achievements because for one thing, there wasn't that many to speak of and I did not feel it was important to mention during those 2 minutes we are given to introduce ourselves. After all, we were supposed to talk about ourselves and show them who the person is behind the application. I also thought that whatever achievements I have can speak for themselves. Despite that, I don't really know for certain whether that was the right thing to do, in the sense of whether I gave the right impression to them. I suppose I only wanted to ensure that I came off differently than the rest.

As for the question, it was a typical-sounding motion for any debate. I didn't actually write down or structure the exact things I was going to say when my turn came around; I was never quite good at that. I'll just say whatever that comes to mind. However, I think I answered well, based on the fact that the interviewers did not try to rebuke what I said or pose more questions. I can only guess that they were satisfied.

They also asked us about the issue of the required government service after we complete our studies (if we got the scholarship). They asked our opinion on whether the required 10 years of government service (for Medicine scholars) was too long and whether we'll come back to serve. With the others, the interviewers tried to put them in a spot by raising the question about money since government servants, especially doctors, are paid nuts in contrast to the amount of hard work they have to put in. But I've heard that all before. So I just said that it was simply the matter of passion for the job. Because if you are satisfied with what you do and enjoy the work, then money will be secondary. Not that it isn't important, but you can try to make things work.

All in all, I think it went well. I just hope that God-willing, I'll get that scholarship so I can study Medicine overseas.

Apocalyptica Rocks!

2009-03-29T18:23:00.009+08:00

This weekend I found myself reverting back to the sounds of Apocalyptica, a one-of-a-kind band who plays rock on cellos. They are little-known here in Malaysia, for certain, but they are seriously amazing.

I discovered them through my maid (yes; we are more like sisters actually), who saw them on MTV. She recommended them to me because she knew that I loved this kind of unique sound, which some people term as 'symphonic rock'. I have always liked bands and musicians who take on a modern twist on classical genres or mix the sounds of rock instruments with classical instruments.

Unfortunately, most of these bands are stereotyped as 'gothic' or 'black metal' but I think a more general term like 'alternative' is better, in the sense that this music is the alternative to the mainstream dominators of hip hop, pop and R'n'B. However, I believe that there is no point to try to categorise this kind of music with those standard terms. For one thing, 'gothic' in its true form is really very dark, gloomy - to the point of macabre and suicidal - stuff, which I personally dislike myself. 'Black metal' should also be only used for those really heavy, screaming, hardcore rockers with multiple piercings and tattoos. All in all, defining any bands' music is an extremely sensitive issue so let's all just try to be neutral and not try to fit them into any genre when coming across different music.

Therefore, I'm quite proud to say that I'm very open-minded about new material and hence, have a very wide range of interests in music genres.

This kind of attitude is very beneficial in a lot of scenarios, not just when analysing music. Because you will learn to enjoy the music (or whatever) for what it is, not what it appears to represent. For example, a few people balked when I gave them a listen to this nice song which was actually sung by a Jewish singer and contained a short bridge with Hebrew lyrics. Although they were family, and I did not hold a grudge when they slammed the song, I defended myself because I do not believe in discriminating a song for reasons like race and religion.

For one thing, the song's lyrics (both in English and Hebrew) were completely harmless. And if it's because the singer was a Jew and as a Muslim, I should condemn all Jews, that is a very poor attitude to have when all the world is preaching peace and tolerance as many countries still are at rife over racial and religious differences.

Should everything and everyone be discriminated for the clothes they wear, which God they pray to, the colour of their skin, their country of origin and so on? It's like saying "I will not listen to that band because they are all black/white/brown/yellow" "I will not watch that movie because the director is a transsexual/homosexual/bisexual" "I will not read about that book because it talks a lot about so-so religion" I mean, COME ON. Does any of those reasons have anything to do with the quality of the music/movie/book etc.? And so what if you decide to pick up a book about any religion besides your own? If you are a true practitioner of your faith, your faith should not be so easily swayed. I do not see the harm in learning about a different culture or religion if it means I become a more well-read, open-minded and broad-sighted individual.

Yet, so many people out there are so afraid to accept things that are different to what they are familiar to. So many are afraid of losing their own pride, heritage or culture if they learn others. So many are willing to keep fighting if it means to settle old grudges and bloodshed. Attitudes such as these are the reasons there will never be peace.

For these reasons, I try to never discriminate because discrimination, in any form, is bad. That is why I read all kinds of things, talk to many different people, and continue to search for and try new things (as long as it really is harmless).

Back to music, I do enjoy some of the unfairly stereotyped music that narrow-minded people think are a 'bad influence'. However, I can be certain that the ones I listen to are clean from hidden agendas and double meanings. And to be fair, I am more interested in the music; not who the artist is, what he/she had in mind when writing the lyrics or even what the lyrics really mean. I don't usually go that deep.

So, my favourites (which not many can fathom the reason why they are so) are Evanescence, Within Temptation, Apocalyptica and sometimes The Rasmus and Nightwish. These bands' public images are all dark and supposedly 'gothic' but I don't care about that. I just think the music is fantastic and highly recommend them.

Back to Apocalyptica, they sure do look like heavy rockers with their long hair, eyeliner and leather pants. But as you double-take, they are not holding electric guitars - those are cellos! This band really go beyond the traditional playing of the cello (which is bigger that a violin and is played sitting down). In fact, the cellists of the band are all students of an esteemed music academy in Finland and have played all those classical music before. But at heart, they loved rock music, especially Metallica. In fact, they were discovered when they were playing a cover of a Metallica song and signed on the spot. Their first album was suitably named "Plays Metallica On Four Cellos" whereby they played just Metallica covers.

Currently, the band is made up of 3 cellists: Eicca, Perttu and Paavo and 1 drummer, Mikko. (They're from Finland, see). By the way, Paavo is the only one with the short hair and He. Is. Mine. :P

I discovered them in 2007 and am the proud owner of a Special Edition case of their new Worlds Collide CD and Bonus DVD which I gladly paid RM60 for. Watching their videos and live performances on Youtube, I now intend to buy their older albums too, which contain amazing ballads along with the other rocking tracks. Here is a live performance of their cover of Metallica's hit, 'Nothing Else Matters'. Awe-inspiring and super cool.

And here is their video for the song 'I Don't Care' featuring Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace.

P.S. Bear in mind that the electric guitar-sounding parts are actually cellos... Isn't that just so cool? :D

Straight Ones

2009-03-12T20:09:00.005+08:00

So, I got my SPM results today. I was always nervous everytime I thought about this day when I would take my results (finally). I only survived with my sanity intact by distracting myself with movie after movie, book after book and all those little amusements.

But, the night before, I found it hard to not think about it. I went over every single mistake I knew I made and the unthinkable ones I will never know for sure. Like my Add. Maths paper...my Sejarah paper... I even worried for my English paper! I was thinking, "My essay wasn't that bombastic...I didn't use enough big words...what if the examiner didn't understand the story?...What if they couldn't read my handwriting?"

It may surely seem like I was worrying over nothing, but I say there is everything to worry about!

The morning arrived. Still, I was like, "Don't think about it..."

But a few of my family members were continuously asking me whether I had already got them or not. And this was when I was (quite) leisurely drinking Nescafe tarik at the mamak restaurant.

At school, I was reunited with my friends and everything was fine until we noticed that the teachers were making their way to the hall with our results. That's when the real anxiety started. The worst part was when I was waiting in line while others were getting theirs. Really nervous.

Then, when I was at the front already but waiting my turn, my Add. Maths teacher who was giving the results out whispered to me, "Nadira, congratulations...dapat straight A..." I screamed and burst into tears. But it wasn't quite confirmed until I had the slip in my hands so I got ahold of myself.

When I took one look at the results, I broke into a fresh wave of tears and screams. I could not believe it. I got 11 A1's. :D

I'm so grateful to Allah, for only with His good graces did my hard work pay off and I succeeded. Alhamdulillah.

Thanks to my friends and family who always supported me. Cheers!

Another Tag!

2009-03-06T18:55:00.004+08:00

Got tagged again by Ainaa, this time a different style. Here goes...

Do you think you are hot?
Haha. Call me whatever you like, but I think I am, in my own way lah. ;D

Upload your favourite picture of you:
(Was terribly spoilt for choice for this one! LOL)

Why do you like that picture?

It was me dressed as a hippie for my stepmom's 70's-80's-themed birthday bash last year; perhaps the only time I would be able to dress up as one. I loved it!

When was the last time you ate pizza?

If I'm not mistaken, it was in Johor a few months back. If not, there was one time the parents brought home some...

The last song you listened to?

Rain On Your Parade, by Duffy

What are you doing besides this?

Writing my recent attempt at a debut novel, haha.

What name do you prefer besides yours?

Hmmm, hard to say. But I've always liked the ring of the name, 'James'. Sounds masculine. You can count on that being the name of one of my characters. Haha.

Tag 5 people:

(Do I have to? Don't know a lot of people who'll fancy being tagged... But if I must...)

MrsNordin!

Hang Nadim

Phatelara!

Nabil Farabi

Aira

Who is number 1?

My dear mummy figure.

Number 3 is having a relationship with...

Say something about number 5.

Was my English Lit class and debate buddy...

How about number 4?

My cute, extremely baik and absolutely God-fearing friend! Never forgets to remind me to wear tudung. Lol.

Who is number 2?

My heartbreaker Casanova, video/computer game obsessed, begrudgingly taller and infuriatingly blessed with those Arab good looks, baby brother.

Light of Your Halo

2009-02-24T19:03:00.004+08:00

I love Beyonce's new song, "Halo". The music is fantastic and the lyrics are really moving and when I first listened to them closely, I actually felt my tear-ducts swell. And the video is breath-takingly beautiful. It's my fave song of the moment. Watch the video and you'll agree with me. :)

Song lyrics | Halo lyrics

Go Go Power Rangers!!!

2009-02-23T17:39:00.007+08:00

Last Friday, I, in my continuous pursuit for amusement, spent the whole afternoon and evening watching the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers on Youtube. Hahaha!

I first watched it years and years ago, even before I started kindergarten. Of course, I wouldn't admit it then, but I secretly enjoyed watching the show. After all, it was a 'boys' show. I made sure that I made a lot of noise when my brother would put on yet another video cassette of the Power Rangers into our video player (the habit of hogging the TV prevails to this very day, mind you, in my baby brother and with newer technology instead). But then, because I had nothing else to do, I would eventually find myself sitting in for the show. My sister was not spared.

The best thing about it then was that it actually wasn't a 'boys' show so much after all. There were girls, the Pink Ranger and the Yellow Ranger. When we played 'Power Rangers' with the Korean boy next door, Tom-Bin (not sure about the spelling), I became the Yellow Ranger, my sister the Pink Ranger and him the White Ranger, Tommy (we always called him Tommy after that). Ironically enough, my brother would not join us because he was still 'too small'.

I remember also that I had a Yellow Ranger schoolbag that I used until it was reduced to bits and pieces. I loved it so much because it was really the coolest bag ever. The whole bag was the helmet of the Yellow Ranger, that is, a sabre-tooth tiger. The black visor for the eyes could light up and everything. It was quite sad when I couldn't use it anymore because it was beginning to fall apart from overuse (I used it from kindergarten to primary school). My brother and sister had similar bags, just the Red and Pink Ranger respectively instead. The toys? My brother had everything, the first Megazord, the Thunder-Megazord, the new Megazord (from the movie), White Ranger's whole get-up (mask, suit and weapon), all of the Rangers' weapons (which we can combine together or separate), and of course, all the action figures. When the movie came out, we bought the video cassette and the VCD. Everything was Power Rangers. Power Rangers was all the rage back then.

For someone who have never watched the show (and this also means the early seasons of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and not the spin-offs and variations of the original show), they might not understand what the hype is about.

Well, it was really cool. The idea of six teens with powers and gargantuan Zords at their call, saving the city of Angel Grove from puddies (the mindless, writhing goons whose only purpose is to stir trouble), ugly monsters and Rita Repulsor and Lord Z (pronounced Zedd) was pretty cool. The fight scenes, Ranger costumes and the different Zords was the coolest. The fact that the six of them were ordinary teens that went to high school and had to put up with class clowns Bulk and Skull was cool too because it was funny and refreshing; it made the existence of Power Rangers almost real and normal. Most importantly, the six of them were, in their own right, super cool.

Before I get ahead of myself, for those who are completely clueless about the Power Rangers, I will tell you what it's all about.

Okay...

Rita Repulsor, the Empress of Evil with a few goons with her, have set their sights on Earth, intending to conquer it and spread evil. Now Zordon, the all-round good guy, is an inter-dimensional being (who appears as a floating head) and is helped by a robot, Alpha Phi. He tells Alpha to find five teenagers with attitudes and gives them the five Powers of prehistoric animals: the Powers of the Mastodon, Pterodactyl, Triceratops, Sabre-tooth Tiger, and Tyrannosaurus. They are given 'morphers' for them to morph into Rangers and are able to summon their Zords (the huge robotic animals). The Zords can enter battle mode and combine to form the Megazord. They also must abide the three rules: 1) They cannot use their Powers for personal gain, 2) They can only enter battle when Rita forces them to, and 3) Their must keep their identity as Rangers secret.

The first Rangers were Jason (Red), Zack (Black), Billy (Blue), Trini (Yellow) and Kimberly (Pink). Later, Tommy is introduced into the show. Sensing his potential, Rita puts him under a spell, controlling his mind, and gives him a Power Coin (Rangers all have power coins). So, he becomes the Green Ranger. He has his own Zord too, the Dragonzord. But he is first evil and causes trouble for the Power Rangers. But they break the spell and he joins them.

The Power Rangers were actually based on a Japanese show, the Super Sentai Series. The costumes and original Zords and Megazord follow the Zyuranger series. The Thunder Zords (Red Dragon, Black Lion, Blue Unicorn, Yellow Griffin and Pink Firebird), the Thunder-Megazord and the new White Ranger was taken from the Dairanger. It is a well-known fact that the American makers literally took the footage of the fight sequences and battle scenes from the Japanese show. However, the rest was original and eventually the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers became completely original in its own right when they started to make their own footage. This began when the Green Ranger died in the Japanese show, but Saban (the producers) decided to keep Tommy due to popular demand (of course!). In the show, Tommy would be seen to slowly lose his Power and often become weak. He was excluded from the battle scenes; a clear indication that Green Ranger was no longer present in the Japanese version.

Hence, we would see the colour theme of Tommy's clothes (the Rangers always wear their respective colours) change to white and Zordon finally gives him the White Ranger Power, the Power of the Tiger. Like earlier mentioned, the White Ranger was taken from Dairanger. This was so that they could continue using footage from the Japanese show when needed. This happened in the second season. In the second season as well, Lord Z was introduced and the Thunder Powers and the Thunder Zords were given, in line with Dairanger.

The characters of the Rangers changed later on, so we would see Jason, Zack and Trini leave. They were replaced by Rocky, Adam and Aisha. Many (and myself included) always argue that the original characters were the best. Fortunately, the White Ranger never changed.

So, back to what I think, my love is only for the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Not any of the subsequent Power Rangers variations. I watched some; Turbo, Lightspeed Rescue, S.P.D., Time Force to name a few, but my opinion stands. The others do not have the entertaining simplicity, humour and utter coolness of the first Power Rangers.

And, of course, Tommy. He is the best Ranger ever. At that age (when I watched it), you wouldn't know who's hot and who's not, but I knew Tommy was hot. He was the real leader after Jason left and he seemed to have the most power. He was the strongest and (for want of a better word) cool! And, everyone knows Tommy and Kimberly had a thing for each other. It had to be the first romance I watched. Hahaha. (unless all those Disney classics like Snow White and Pocahontas should count as well) And they looked really sweet together. I never actually seen an episode where they kissed or were totally romantic when I first watched it but there are some! You'll find me watching all the episodes on Youtube. (Speaking of which, those interested to watch those legendary episodes of the first and second season should tune into and subscribe to this channel on Youtube. Click here.)

Finally, I have to say, even after all these years, I still love the Power Rangers. I still watch it with awe and laugh at the silliness of Bulk and Skull. I still think Tommy is hot.

I wish I could get the whole three seasons on DVD or something. But apparently, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is banned in Malaysia. It's really stupid and moronic. They said it's a bad influence because there is the word 'morphin' in it. Blah! How stupid can you get?!

...I love the Power Rangers and I'm 18 years old. Got a problem with that? XP

Check out this video for full clips and with the full theme song by Mighty Raw. (I wanted to embed it but it is disabled)

And since I'm a die-hard Tommy and Kimberly fan, here are some tribute vids! Enjoy!

The Tudors

2009-02-19T18:57:00.012+08:00

My stepmom bought the second season of The Tudors last night! Finished watching it today. Hahaha.

Oh man, it was fantastic! Jonathan Rhys Meyers returns as King Henry VIII and more gorgeous and riveting as ever. I must say, his portrayal of King Henry is disarmingly powerful. His performances in both seasons has got to be his best performances yet. The story of his life is colourfully painted with much detail. Thumbs-up to the makers of the show, really. They did an awesome job with the cast, storyline, settings and everything else.

In comparison to a movie, The Tudors has more depth because it spans many episodes. Like in the movie, The Other Boleyn Girl, it lacks the depth and intricacy of the story of Anne Boleyn as shown in The Tudors.

The drama is immense; with a lot of politicking, double-crossing, lies, ill-rumour, greed, blind ambition, power struggles, and of course, lust. The second season wraps up Anne Boleyn's story (which began in the first) and therefore hints that the third season will be about King Henry's third wife, Jane Seymour, whose family seems to be just as ambitious and social-climbing as the Boleyns.

The first season was mainly about King Henry's early days of his reign, when his counsel was still the corrupt Cardinal Wolsey and other self-preserving nobles such as the Duke of Norfolk and of course, the scheming Thomas Boleyn. Thomas Boleyn would urge his daughter Anne to seduce the King so that their family may benefit from the crumbling of the King's marriage to his current wife, Katherine of Aragon. Yet, being a mistress of a king will not suffice. So Anne, using her woman's virtue as her ace, demands the King to divorce Katherine so that she may become the new Queen of England. Yet, the papacy in Rome refuses to condone the annulment of the King's marriage. Hence, Anne, with encouragement from her father and Mr. Cromwell (a Lutheran) lays out a solution for the King; break ties with the Pope and assume complete supremacy over the kingdom in all matters spiritual and otherwise. In other words, the King can do whatever he wishes; absolute power. This apparently was an idea from the Protestant faith. This way, the King can divorce wives and remarry as many times as he chooses (King Henry VIII had six wives). The first season ended with the removal and eventual suicide of Cardinal Wolsey and Thomas More taking his place as Chancellor, Anne already brazenly assuming the Queen's place, and the steady falling of Catholicism in England.

Only in the second season does the supremacy of the King and the estrangement of his kingdom from Rome is finalised. All the while, Katherine loved the King despite everything he did but is shunted into obscurity and is separated from her daughter, Princess Mary until her death. Before the papacy could decide on annulling the King's first marriage, the King married Anne in secret (since they so staunchly believe that his first marriage had always been null and void). Later, she is crowned Queen. But her troubles is far from over. She gives birth to a daughter, not a son as promised, Elizabeth (who would become Queen Elizabeth I). The King's interest in her wanes as he begins to realise how much he had sacrificed for their marriage yet the only thing he wanted in return, a son, was not yet given. His sacrifices would include the death of another of his close friends and counsel, Thomas More, who was a devout Catholic and refused to acknowledge the King's supremacy. This season ended with the execution of Anne and four innocent men including her brother (she was charged with treason, that is, sleeping with other men) and the King preparing to betroth Jane Seymour the day after Anne's execution. The end also hints at a war between France and England coming in the next season. And just in, the third season will also debut his wife #4, Anna of Cleves played by Joss Stone.

These very brief synopsises are actually based on historical fact so you really have to watch the show to see how it all plays out. Like the voiceover at the beginning of the show says: "You think you know the story, but you only know how it ends. To get to the heart of the story, you must go back to the beginning." So, the interesting part of the show is not finding out how it ends, but how it came to such an end.

That, I believe, is why I like the show. The scandals, controversies and drama is really something worth watching. I also think that every character was acted out very well, especially Katherine of Aragon (you will really respect her), Thomas More and of course, Anne Boleyn.

Not forgetting my beloved Henry Cavill, or in the show, Charles Brandon, he was more mature in this season. He remarried (he rashly married the King's sister Margaret in the first season, who later died) and was no longer the womaniser he was (yay!). But he still was as hot as ever. Love him!

I cannot wait for the thrid season now. It looks really exciting! I don't actually know how long it will take for it to come to Malaysia but I hope it won't be too far behind the date it comes out officially, April 5th 2009. If all else fails, I'll make sure I find the pirated DVD. I'm sorry, but if it comes down to that, it means I'm just desperate.

Since I want you people to watch this show, here's the trailer for season two and the opening credits for season 1. Enjoy! (and please, please tell me you like it and you will watch it! Haha...)

The Tudors Season 2 trailer

It seems that I cannot find a nice trailer for the first season but there are some music videos worth watching too. (I also think the music is nice...;) )

Tag 10

2009-02-18T00:31:00.006+08:00

So, my best bud Ainaa tagged me on her blog, Second Child Syndrome. Here goes...

WHOEVER WHO GETS TAGGED HAS TO WRITE 10 THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON WHO TAGGED HIM/HER.

Ainaa Kamal. The Definition of Brilliance (I'm not kidding!)

Super-super-mega-ultra SMART
the bestest friend anyone could ask for
a brilliant listener, confidante, advisor
always too good for you (in a good way of course!)
extremely friendly to everyone, therefore a people-magnet
wacky and loads of fun; good sense of humour
has the loudest and most frequent laugh ever
a strong, independent, free-spirited and principled individual
always have something to talk about
never understands why people like (or envy) her so much. In other words, you're too humble for your own good la!

Ainaa, I know you think I'm exaggerating but it's all true!

Thanks for being my friend....:)

Now, be nice 'cause I'm tagging you back!!!

P.S. No pressure. You know that I'm no good.... :P

On our Prom Night

Affairs of the Heart

2009-02-16T02:42:00.018+08:00

Every blogger in the world would have a post about Valentine's Day by now. Against my usual principles, I shall herewith jump on the bandwagon on this.

I suppose, while there are many who always have a great Valentine's, I am with a larger group of people out there who positively dread that day. It's depressing.

Call me a sour grape, the rain on the parade or just a hormonal teen who started watching romance movies too early in life. Bitter 'cause nothing ever happens on that ever talked about day of the year. Whole corporations reap hefty profits from the commercialisation of that day alone. You can never escape the 14th of February.

So yes, when people ask me, "So, tomorrow is Valentine's...anything planned?" I will simply groan and moan, "Depressing...."

It's terrible having to flip through any ol' magazine or just open the home page of Yahoo and see never-ceasing tips for "Your Valentine's Date" or "Valentine Gift Ideas" etc. etc.

There's just too much going into this date on the calendar. No one is spared from having to expect something on that day or better yet, expect nothing while everyone else has something.

Moving on, only ONE person wished me Valentine's via SMS. And that was because I wished him first. Just writing it makes it sound so pathetic. Oh well, like I said, I'm one of those who have to expect nothing. What I have to come to expect is that although feelings are out in the open, yet nothing is official, you still cannot expect anything to change much from last year.

So, how did I spend Valentine's and the days leading up to it? Like the rest of the dateless singles out there, I watched tv. And, of course, something romantic (as if you need another catalyst to make you even more bitter and self-deprecating). In the spur of the moment, I decided to fish out my nearly-a-decade-old box set of that hugely popular Meteor Garden drama series. I watched it countless of times, yet it is my all-time favourite Asian drama series ever. Jerry Yan who plays Dau Ming Shi, always manages to rock my boat. I recall vividly how crazy I was over F4 when NTV7 started airing that show in 2003. I daresay that my passion is rekindled. Jerry rocks! :D

In these recent days, I've also watched Becoming Jane again. That movie is one of the best period dramas I've watched so far. Even the recent remake of Pride & Prejudice doesn't quite compare. Though I love that one too. In most cases, those period movies are better at the romance. My other favourite ones are Ever After, Atonement, Titanic (duh, who doesn't love that one), Shakespeare in Love, Stage Beauty (Claire Dane's portrayal of Desdemona at the end of the movie is beyond superb), Knight's Tale (that one was funny too)... Other period movies like The Duchess, The Other Boleyn Girl, Vanity Fair, Little Women, Perfume (the book is also supremely freaky, creepy good) and Dangerous Liaisons were more dramatic than romantic. I have yet to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age yet (with Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen) and perhaps other period movies I haven't mentioned. Sense and Sensibility and Emma are two movies I only watched partially. I hope to catch it on tv but who knows when. Sigh.

(I have this book of poems next to my bed, haha)

There is something to be said about romance movies - period, modern, fantasy, animation (Ayashi No Ceres is my only favourite; Final Fantasy no thanks. I don't fancy anime actually.) - it gives you hope. Perhaps deep down, I am a mindless idealistic romantic masquerading as a practical realist. Or, most probably, I have a dual-personality disorder. I like to escape to fantasy more often than it is healthy, I guess.

There is also something else: you sigh every time the movie ends. You wish it was you who was swept off her feet by an ungodly mega gorgeous Prince Charming, hero, knight, vampire (Oh Edward) or was rendered helpless by his impossibly romantic prose (or eyes even), or was the damsel in distress that was saved in the nick of time, or was lucky enough to find her soulmate before either one died...so on, so on. Sigh.

Tsk, tsk. What is to become of me.

A word of warning: Music like Sean Ghazi's Semalam, Edith Piaf, Josh Groban and definitely instrumental stuff like Secret Garden and Rachmaninoff + romantic shows or movies or books (especially including all I've ever mentioned) + Valentine's Day + a silent phone + a lot of time = Potion for Despair.

Lucky thing that my phone wasn't silent on Valentine's night. So, fortunately, I was spared albeit only by a thread.

Cheers to all romantics in denial out there! ;)

P.S. My buddies in my former English Lit class called me 'jiwang' (a.k.a. hopeless romantic). I denied of course. I argued that I simply have a high appreciation for Shakespeare and love poems. So what if I sleep with Shakespeare's works by my bed and read love poems with feeling (teacher said to do so anyway XP).

P.P.S. Who am I kidding. I need a boyfriend.

Torn

People tell me,
There is hope though
I see none.
I will myself to.

But that doesn’t change,
What I feel
Deep down, that perhaps,
We are not meant to be.

Am I to blame?
Should I have done that?
Should I have done nothing?
I will never know; you’re gone.

I want to blame you,
Failing to act,
Grasping not the opportunity,
I gave you so often.

I want to blame fate,
For meeting us then,
Pulling us apart,
‘Cause now, I’m needing you.

Perhaps our meeting
Was a mistake,
That we are better off,
Without knowing each other.

Though I cannot regret,
The moments we shared,
I treasure every second
Given to us.

Can you tell,
Can you see,
I think of you so,
You had touched my life.

I refuse to close this chapter,
I have tasted Heaven,
I cannot easily forget,
How you looked at me.

I want to hate you,
So that I could move on,
It would be so easy,
Than having to miss you.

End this please,
Leave me not,
Hanging, unsure, waiting,
If it should end, then end it!

I’m exhausted,
Watching days go by,
But no concrete,
To hold my love in place.

I fear, my love,
It would be too late,
Too painful to find,
That my love has left.

An original poem by yours truly. Subject to copyright!

Movie Mania

2009-02-04T15:18:00.010+08:00

Since I'm woefully stuck at home with little to amuse myself with, I've done what many would do in a house with a flat-screen tv and a huge stack of DVDs. Haha. And, since I like movies to begin with, I'll do a few movie reviews here.

Yesterday, I watched a whopping 4 DVDs over tha course of the day. It's quite bad and I should not morph into a coach potato and all that, but what to do; lots of DVD waiting to be watched.

The first was a terrible but watchable copy of Twilight. I watched the movie at the cinema exactly the day after my SPM's last paper. That time, I hadn't read the book. So, I didn't quite get the staring contests between Edward and Bella at first and all that awkward tension. However, as the movie progressed, it was actually quite good. I was smiling most of the time, and at one point, my eyes actually welled up with tears. Watching it again, I think, overall, its definitely worth the watch. And, although I remember when I came out of the cinema there was a pair of boys walking ahead of me that were saying, "What-lah this movie, all love only", I think boys also can watch it; my brother did and he seemed to enjoy it. But I think I'm with a lot of people when I say that the special affects were pretty crappy and the book has more insight (which cannot be helped much though). I loved the book more because there were nicer scenes and some of them did not come out in the movie. Like most book-to-movie adaptations, the book is better. (i.e. Harry Potter) Rating: 6/10 (maybe 6 and a half/10 if you'd like, just because of Robert!)

Speaking of book-to-movie adaptations, another movie I watched later in the day was Nights in Rodanthe. This one, as more regular readers of my blog might be aware of, I read the book first. Like I said in that post, I thought the book was pretty good. But typical of Nicholas Sparks, it was simply pleasant and touching. The movie was much better in my opinion. It was not at all a complete loyal adaptation of the book, but it stuck to the important plots and kind of, spruced it up.

The movie begins with Adrienne(played by Diane Lane), a tired housewife with 2 kids and recently divorced. While she was packing away her children to spend a few days with her ex-husband, he tells her he wants her back and this throws her into a tailspin (this part is not in the book). Jack (Christopher Meloni), the ex, had left her for another woman, and it seems that since it did not work out with the other woman, he wants to come crawling back. But she postpones any discussion and decisions because she had promised her friend to take care of an inn her friend runs for the weekend in Rodanthe, a seaside village. There, the only guest for that weekend is a certain Dr. Paul Flanner (Richard Gere!!!) arrives. In the book, he is more quiet and you don't really get to know his character that well until the middle of the book. But in the movie, you immediately know he's got a burden on his shoulders and something is troubling him. He also comes off a little mysterious. So, they both find themselves drawn together in their loneliness (he's also divorced and has a poor relationship with his son). They learn about each other, and as a storms hits the seaside inn, they fall in love. Their falling in love is not much of a surprise, but the story that is woven in between them, about their children and their previous unfulfilled lives, is very nice to watch. I think Gere and Lane's acting, naturally, is superb and the script is well-done. Therefore, in this case, like the rest of Sparks' books made into movies, the movies are better. Must watch.

Hence, in a mood for more romance, I watched The Notebook, another Nicholas Sparks' book-to-movie. It's not at all recent, but I watched again (been a few times already) because it's one of my favourite romance movies. The book - which I read because my sister said it was so good, it moved her to tears - was also quite nice but since I prefer thick books, I thought it was terribly short of a story. The movie is lots of times better. I suppose, in both cases (The Notebook and Nights in Rodanthe) the movies gives more depth and something interesting to the story. We see how they fall in love, we see how they change, we see...more. The Notebook, if you have not watched it, is another must watch. As goes to another of my most favourite romance movies of all-time, A Walk To Remember (I even bought the soundtrack!). All of these movies were better than their books. No offense, Nicholas Sparks. Rating: (for all three mentioned) 9/10

Breaking out of the romance movies, I also happened to watch Rock N Rolla yesterday (it was after Twilight). An ardent fan of Gerard Butler, I would happily watch any movie with him in it. I've watched most of his movies, and every time I think he's good, real good. This movie is about London's high-class mobsters vs. street mobsters, so its got a lot of F-words and PG-13 stuff. One thing about it is that was really funny. Gerard plays One Two, one of the street mobsters collectively called The Wild Bunch. A certain Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson) is a high-class crook sweet-mouthing his way into controlling the real estate world of London and suddenly, both sides of the fence are trying to get some easy cash from an unknowing but dangerous Russian billionaire seeking to get some of Cole's contacts so that he can get his project moving without any legal restraint. Christopher Meloni shows up here again as Archy, Cole's right-hand man and narrator (you may remember him as the last son of the king to die in Stardust). For more about the movie's plot, check it out on Wikipedia over at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RocknRolla

Its really hilarious as you see them all try to be tough mobsters and bad guys and get double crossed by each other. If you like this unque type of humour, go watch it. Gerard was really funny! Rating: 5/10

I have loads of movies that I have recently watched and enjoyed, like The Duchess, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire, La Vie En Rose, and many more to waiting to be watched like Revolutionary Road, Doubt, Underworld 3... Hopefully I'll review the ones I've watched in the next post and hopefully, I can go out and watch Underworld 3 soon...*hint hint!*

Sex on Legs

2009-01-31T20:45:00.012+08:00

After the more serious post before, that took a long time to finish (to the disapproval of the other members of the household), I want to write something short and easier to relate to.

I've read a few blogs, and each are unique, and most are about simple stuff. My stepmom said that blogs written by teenagers (that she's read, I'm not sure how many) seem to indicate that we teens have a lot on our minds; angst-filled, serious, burdened thoughts. Well, I always intended my blog to be less on the personal side and more to the ideas that are lurking in my brain so that I could share my opinions. You could say that I'm trying to change the world (fat chance). Just wanted to relay and share knowledge and viewpoints with people. Perhaps that's why my blog might seem very serious, and the posts, long.

Anyway, back to my first point, a more lighthearted post. As you must have seen with much gasping, tutting, or shaking of head (or amusement, more likely), the title of this post is 'sex on legs'. HAHA. Ever since I came across that figure of speech in P.S. I Love You (well, the F.O.S sounds Irish to me) I've been using it quite a fair bit. Especially with British actors, haha.

Gerard Butler is the undisputed 'sex on legs' ever, naturally (he's Scottish if you didn't know). And I've recently found someone else that would absolutely fits that F.O.S. Another absolutely 'sex on legs'.

Drumroll... Henry Cavill!!!

Hot damn. He's good enough to eat.

(Mom, I know you read my blog, and this is very...uh, steamy writing, but just bear with me and don't be too shocked, okay?)

To those people out there who have yet to set your sights on this wonderful piece of (yummy), here he is...

As you all can clearly see, he's really hot and he's not one of those guys I wrote about in my earlier post, 'So I Like Gray Hair and Lines...So What!'. My darling Henry is younger (26 this year. His birthday falls on the same day as my brother, May 5 so I may never forget, haha!). And he's English. I seem to like a lot more non-American actors.

I never noticed him before in Count of Monte Cristo as Albert and yes, the ugly Humphrey in Stardust. I only just found him in The Tudors, a steamy drama about King Henry VIII and his six wives. He plays alongside Jonathan Rhys Meyers (another hottie!) who plays King Henry as Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk, the king's best friend.

Apparently my father came across the 4-disc uncut, unrated whole first season of the series in Johor (of all places). So yeah, my brother left in disgust soon into the first episode and my sister, my maid and I are limited to watching at night. When I said steamy, I meant it. But then again, if you're particular, by all means buy the censored version. However, it's really awesome. It covers everything that occurred during the famous King Henry VIII's extraordinary reign. I think it was very well-made and the cast and script is good. Jonathan Rhys Meyers seemed perfect for the role as the noted playboy yet temperamental King Henry.

But back to 'sex on legs' Henry Cavill. He played the also notorious womaniser Charles Brandon. Watching it, you would never question why so many women came to bed with him. Who could resist, really.

This is him in the first season, which I watched. I'm definitely going to get my father to buy the next season, by hook or by crook. Here's him in the second season.

Oh man, I cannot wait. And you have got to see him in action (acting, not otherwise, I'm not that sick). In fact, I recommend everyone to watch the show The Tudors. Just be prepared to see 15th century scandal, romp, deceit, power play and politics. It's really interesting.

..........On the other hand, I feel bad about dedicating one whole post to Henry Cavill before making one for Gerard Butler. I promise, Gerry, I'll make one soon. I still love you best! OXOXO

Take Your Time

2009-01-27T16:27:00.012+08:00

Graduating from high school has made me feel rather old. Yes, its probably a gross exaggeration but as it is, I am turning 18 in less than a month. I don't feel like I'm 18 really, and I know a lot of people don't think I look 18. However, having gone through all the ups and downs of high school, I think I am well-qualified to criticise what 'high school life' has become.

I said that I felt old because, for once, I'm sharing the same views as the parent generation about the 'current young generation'. Of course, my generation is included, but the main subjects are the generations after mine. Because I think the behaviour of my generation in general is still ok. Tolerable at least. But of the ones after mine is truly in need of close inspection.

I think most of the young generation is afflicted with the 'Rapid Growth Syndrome' whereby they all want to unnecessarily grow up very fast. I will not deny that I was any different. Compared to the parent generation, we are faster. However, the times have changed and you have to adapt.

In my case, I think I only had the desire to 'grow up' towards the end of my Form 2 year. Previously, especially since my primary school, I was more of a tomboy. Tomboy or not, I had my first crush when I was ten. Haha. So, there was some 'girl' in me. In Form 2, I experienced what I thought was my First Love. (I don't think so anymore; it seems so petty now) But of course, like most crushes and infatuations during the schooling days, it went unrequited. I got over it fairly quickly, but perhaps I begun to realise the need for me to sit up, pay attention, speak out and stand out.

However so, I've always been a sore thumb. I liked to befriend boys, my sense of humour was always kind of different that most, and I have always had many principles and ideas about things. My friends were rather similar. I remember how some of us (usually four and above) would sit in groups during free periods. My friends, usually Lim or Low would pull up chairs and ask, "What's the topic for our forum today?" whenever they saw a discussion beginning and the group would expand. We talked interesting topics then, usually analysing the 'Boy-Girl' relationship issues. As we were always a well-mixed group, we always had loads of input and opinions to take account of.

My Form 2 year was a fairly good one; it was a year that I finally became more of who I was. Being in a class of extrovert-brainy-crazy-loud-English-speaking people was what I needed. I could attribute this to my best friend, who was and always is a very social person. This is very different to my Form 1 year, the year I usually refer to as the 'Dark Ages'. Enough said.

So, by the end of Form 2, I was more confident and I wanted a change. I took a huge step, one that would change everything; I cut my long hair. Seems nothing much, but I had always had thick, unruly, curly long hair that I would just pull back tightly in a scrunchie or (God forgive me) a bun. Round-faced as I was, this never helped my image. I remember during the year-end holidays, I watched some Oprah (don't laugh) and I admired her hairstyle, mid-length curls. My hair then, long as it was, was tiresome to do anything with it so it was like a huge mess. So I chopped it all off and thinned it. My stepmom bought me hair cream and since it was easier to style, I fashioned a new look for myself.

Before (2004, aged 13)

After (2008, aged 17)

Since then, my hairstyle is still quite the same and it made a huge difference. I have become famous for it, haha. I also bought more clothes and things. I was determined to reinvent myself.

So, yes, the following years of high school was a huge improvement. I became more active in school (debate!) and did lots of things. Since then, I would gradually find my own style (still am, mind you), use handbags, wear heels, and dress up when I go out. About going out, I only would go out with my best buds to catch a movie and window shop. I did stuff that I would always remember my school days for, but I am quite certain that I have rarely crossed the line between what's right and appropriate and what's not.

In my family, I could say I'm more outrageous in personality; my sister is so sensible sometimes and my brother is like your regular teenage boy. Yet, when it come to friends and going out and the other things teenagers are doing, I've been a good girl enough. I will admit that I have more guy friends than my father would ever like to hear but I am particular about choosing my friends, as any other teenager should nowadays. I hang out with a good bunch of people I think, and I don't break the important rules.

Teens that I have observed nowadays are as ever, and more, reckless. I have heard and witnessed countless stories about my fellow young generation wasting away their school days with fruitless attempts to be an adult and rebel against the parents. I have been there and I know. I will admit that I used to rebel a little during the 'Dark Ages' and maybe still do in certain ways. Everyone is a rebel at heart. But, what is the issue here is the teens that rebel by taking drugs, smoke, initiate unnecessarily advanced 'coupling', race motorcycles illegally, play truant, etc. etc. the list goes on.

I join forces with a lot of parents (I'm sorry, my fellow young 'uns) when I ask the important question, "Why are kids these days in such a hurry to grow up?"

When I finally became the senior in school during my Form 5, I began to scrutinise my juniors. Perhaps was the authority you inevitably would have at such a stage. I was the Head of the English Department for my school magazine's editorial board so I had people working under me. The people who worked under me were all alright, except for certain problems with work ethics. The younger ones lacked responsibility in their work that I was disappointed in. I remember how much it sucked when it felt like it was only me doing all the work in my department. This is all preparation for working life later. Yet, the basic work ethics were not there in my department. I had to rant and lecture people that were not all that much younger or inferior than I was.

The fresh faces, encompassing all the Form 1, 2 and 3 students all seemed exactly how teenagers are being portrayed negatively in public. It's a sad fact. My school was different than many schools in the country; we had a unique reputation. It housed the most brilliant yet naughtiest students under one roof. Most of us were extroverts and free-spirited people. Other (envious) schools dubbed mine the 'Hollywood School'. Think of perhaps a more watered down version of 90210.

Yet, I always believed we were a good mix of crowds. Of course, there was a number of rotten apples in the basket, but as long as I had been in school, I never thought that the scales would tip too unfavourably. Sadly, I think that is what happening in my school and probably many schools around the country (probably much worse elsewhere).

I watched as scandals unfold in school and simply, the crude behaviour of my juniors. I do not think I am much qualified to speak of proper moral conduct and whatnot, but the basic things that should be present in a modern-day civilised society is lacking. Many juniors, heads bloated because they believe they've become great overnight since they entered high school, were rude and just...kurang ajar. When I was at their stage of high school, I feared and respected my seniors. I watched them go about with confidence and the easiness of just being in one's skin. But none of them were like how my batch used to be.

They were many smokers, male and female, chronically truant ones, screamers, wannabe tough guys...just immature. I was disgusted most of the time; if I was walking past them, I would not even grace them a look. I couldn't stand the girls that were either trying to act so preppy or were trying to act tough by shouting like butches and stomping about with their legs apart. I could forgive the boys as a majority of boys are and may always remain immature. But the girls disappointed me. Many of them were like what the public dubbed 'minah rempit'. Their behaviour was rough, language crude, and even their appearance was severe. They sported multiple piercings, wore eyeliner, or wore tudung yet wore it disgracefully, acted disgracefully that did not suit the sacred cloth (if you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all) and ripped it off while running and screaming like banshees after school.

And those were the 'rempit' group. The preppy group could also be just as bad. They're the ones that carried the designer branded bags (the girls would bypass the use of schoolbag altogether and use what looked more like a handbag), wore bouncy ponytails and heavy side-swept fringes, curiously walked with their skirts held high above the ankle-sock-garbed bare ankles or their pants slung ridiculously low on the hips so that on the verge on dropping to the floor. I have a few friends that appear to be part of this big class of people in school but the 'preppiness' has gone to a wilder level recently. Now, they just give the worst first impression. Forgive me, but I'm prejudiced.

What I cannot understand is this need to be like this, to follow such a silly trend so that someone could just stereotype you. Like I am. Without even knowing these people, I have sorted them into 'groups'. Is this how anyone would like to be judged? I don't think so. I hate that I am doing so, but they are the ones that have chosen to jump onto the bandwagon of cliches. So, they all look the same to me. Just a huge of lump of people acting similarly, without distinction, and nothing for me to remember them by.

Although I too, like every teenager, desired to be accepted and like everyone else, want to have a boyfriend, some things these young people go too far. Why is there a need to constantly change boyfriends/girlfriends at a whim? To show others that you can get anyone you want or that you are so popular that everyone wants to be your boyfriend? Or junior girls coupling with seniors? So that they can brag? What?

I mean, I want a boyfriend for all the right reasons; because I might like the guy. But this is not the case. I see so many of them begin to have boyfriends and girlfriends when they are still in primary school. And when they do, it's not harmless walking back home together, having recess together or something. Instead, they hold hands in school, kiss once they are outside the school gates, skip class to find a store cupboard somewhere, God knows. If you're reading this and you're not a Malaysian, or at least grew up at a public school here, you probably will not understand what is all the fuss. But the thing is, these things are not the universally accepted practices of school-going teens here. Sure, like I said, times change and you need to adapt, but should you adapt to something that is not a good thing? All this is closely related to larger problems: rape, kidnap, juvenile crimes, running away from home and the spawning of a moral-deficit society.

Okay, I will make it clear here what my opinions are about this issue. I am not condemning my own generation but I only criticise the way they are turning out to be. Here, parents should do something. I am all for nurturing infatuations and teen romances, but just one piece of advice to my fellow teen girls: be careful. And, I am against peer pressure and having to feel that have to act a certain way to be accepted. Be yourself. Don't say that yourself is the prep, emo, goth, gangster that you are portraying to be. Maybe a portion, or you just like it, but is that all of who you are? Each of us are a unique blend of things, so why don't you market your own brand and not join a huge indistinguishable mass of people adopting an identity that is not theirs?

Finally, I am saddened that many teens nowadays are turning like this. I have faith in all of them, myself included, but they really must stop trying to act like something they're not. They must stop finding excuses to do something they know is wrong. They must stop trying to ruin their childhood by growing up too fast.

First Report of 2009

2009-01-14T01:03:00.003+08:00

The title of this entry truly sucks but I really could not think of a more catchy title for this piece of scribble which will, mostly, consist of a boring update of my first few weeks of the year.

So, back to school for the school-going children. Moi? At home, finding creative ways to keep myself occupied and my destitute brain to work. God forbid that I shall walk in to college (whenever that is) and discover with horror that my brain has successfully managed to be rid of all the knowledge I've crammed into all these years, especially the ones accumulated with much force and determination during the past year. Wasted. I dearly hope not. I am at least grateful that my command of the English word is still reasonable. This could be due to the fact that besides just writing a blog that I am unsure that anyone would bother reading, I can proudly say that I am pursuing my cobwebby hobby of writing stories.

Surprise, surprise. I write. I used to do it for much longer intervals and definitely more focus and attention before. I daresay I began when I was in Form Two. Having said that, it's obvious I could write more then due to the lesser workload and stress (yes, students encounter stress). Since then, there were a lot of ideas and incomplete drafts. Unfortunately, easily distracted as I am, all of them began for a good amount of pages before coming to an abrupt end. Just hanging and with little hope of being finished. It's quite sad, really.

I must defend myself for an ounce by saying that it was not hopelessness that held me back, or even my giving up finishing such a long task. Writing a fully-fledged novel is by all means not a walk in the park. A lot of time goes into it and although it may seem unimportant, it requires a load of planning. It's simple to begin with a general idea of how it will begin and for me, the parts that are the best to imagine and watch being acted out in your noggin. Yet, seeing it through, connecting the dots, forming clever dialogue, coherent trains of thought, a believable and yet exciting plot...it's got to be descriptive enough so the reader will be able to imagine it closely enough to how you pictured it...it's got to be funny a bit to keep it interesting; dramatic enough to compel; believable so that the reader does not think you're writing a pure fantasy instead of fiction; yet a little imaginary, unique, extraordinary to make it more magical...those are the tough parts. Of course, there is no perfect novel that has all the ideals mentioned. Yet, one hopes to write a good story, one that does satisfy you. Any story I write must be enjoyable enough for me to read. Like I said before, I am my worst critic.

And so, my stories never lasted my own gruelling criticisms as I penned them. One of the most important things I kept in mind was that it could not be or contain any dreaded cliches. It must not be a story someone's read before or even vaguely remembers from somewhere. Sure, you cannot avoid the usual lovely fictional twists that makes a novel memorable; those are okay but for me, it has to be at least slightly, if not completely, different. I've read enough books to say that an author rarely can absolutely depart from at the very least, a few usual gimmicks. And I must say, some of them, really are classic that when administered tactfully in a plot, does do wonders. Okay, an example. Who does not love that wonderfully similar way the hero and heroine would fall for each other after at first completely hating each other? We've seen that a gazillion times and I believe that we may never tire of it. So yes, some are very true (like the one I mentioned, really does happen in real life) and very nice to add to one's story.

Some, are much too over-rated. Like, the gets-into-an-accident-and-gets-amnesia-so-hero/heroine-does-not-remember-lover hook. Sure, it's really dramatic, but it gets so annoying. We've seen that one too many times before and it's really a yawn-inducer now. Yet, I will reveal, here only, that I have used that hook before. The past-present secret thing is a very good way of creating an interesting plot so unless the supernatural is involved, what other way does one make their hero stumble upon a long-lost lover with an interesting twist besides that? Oh, I guess if you want to be really creative, there are means to but, well, amnesia is a quicker option. So there, a reason one of my stories failed before completion. I would rather not publish it at all - if ever finished - if such a cliche was present in my story. Although, that particular story has been a long-time favourite (I've nurtured it since I started writing to begin with) and I've conceived it in a hundred different ways, searching for the best combination to put it all together but as of now, I still haven't found the solution. It's immensely difficult to get it right.

Poems are easier but hard to come by. It takes a burst of inspiration to see it through and if I do get one, the poem is very quickly finished. Some are published in my school magazine (a not completely satisfying alternative, but an alternative nonetheless). Short stories are also believed to be easier to jot and complete than a considerably thick novel, but the ideas I have are usually more elaborate and complicated to finish in a few pages.

So, yeah. I am writing a new story, not trying to finish an old one because the more I think about those, the more ridiculous they sound. Another thing is that I seem to have run out of steam when I wrote the old ones. It got less interesting to read or write. So I would constantly edit it, tweak here, tweak there, and hence, it never got finished.

But I am trying very hard to finish this one as it is quite different from the rest and I have it all planned out. My only worry that is won't be as long as I would like (I very much enjoy reading thick books as thin books are finished too soon at my usual pace). It's kind of sweet and not very gushy. I really like it but I hope I can manage to finish it but there's a lot of distraction at home during the day. In the form of a certain terrorising little boy.

Here, I think I would like to mention how proud I am of Stephenie Meyer for having the guts to write about a much-enjoyed fantasy of most girls that I daresay, rarely came out in print and became a huge hit. Her complete flight to fantasy through Twilight in particular can be very well understood by a lot of girls; we all wish for a perfect man for us, that loves us despite our obvious plainness beside him. That book is either absolutely adored, or extremely loathed. She really had guts.

Right, since this was supposed to be a report, I shall also jot here that I have begun modest attempts at playing the guitar. It's not as easy as it looks; piano is actually easier on the fingers. My fingers on my left-hand hurt and apparently, you have to press the strings harder to get the sound right. I cannot wait for my fingers to get hard at the tips so it'll be easier to fret. It hurts!

Besides that, I have been playing badminton again and I occasionally bake cupcakes. Driving? Not yet; soon I hope. Working? Very much impossible I think. On the surface, there's really nothing much else.

What's that? Personal life? Oh...no thanks. I can only say that there are some considerable improvements; I am not such a F-ing coward that I thought I was. Hesitation still quite there, less acute though. That's all I can say; I shall not reveal any more!

Cheers, you happier people. :P

Braving the New Year

2009-01-01T21:02:00.004+08:00

My family's New Year party had to be the best ever yet. It wasn't a big do or anything, but there were lots of noise, whooping, confetti and 'snow' spray. And karaoke. There had to be karaoke.

But the party is of course an optimistic ushering in of the New Year. Its never a good thing to begin the year on a sad, forbidding, or pessimistic note. Knowing that 2009 has been billed a rough year to come, globally and personally, one still must remain optimistic.

My father demanded I sit down and share my New Year's resolutions this morning after brunch (we slept well into the hours of the morning, hence the lie-in). I decided the night before that I would not have any 'resolutions'. Despite all the hoo-haa on New Year, one could not help feeling a little melancholic. Uncertainty clouds the path for me. One must allow oneself a moment's hesitation before stepping, eyes closed, into a patch of fog. So I thought that I would not burden myself with resolutions to accomplish, something uncertain to say the least. Instead, I termed them 'Things to look forward to'. It sounds much more optimistic than resolutions. 'Things to look forward to' sound more believable, more certain than resolutions that you have to abide by and more often, forgotten or cast aside come February. But 'Things to look forward to' are not concrete. The Future will always be foggy. Yet, to me, this term sounds comforting. In my ears, these things will happen.

So here are some examples..I look forward to:
-getting my SPM results (good, I hope)
-turning 18!
-going to college

There are a few more of course, and these are very very foggy ones. Ones that have more difficult steps, hard work, and faith above all. But I look forward to whatever 2009 may bring, good and bad, and with that, I can only hope for the best.

More Stuff To Think About

2008-12-27T15:09:00.005+08:00

Perhaps my previous 2 posts are a little freaky, in the sense that well, 1) I appear to have a morbid fascination with older men and 2) this is coming from someone that is about 2 months shy of her 18th birthday. Maybe, probably, a little wrong in whatever sense of that word. In short, I'm kinda too young to have deep crushes on older men...in theory. I'm not trying to prove my normality or anything here, but I do like young guys too.

Crushing on mega hot 40-something actors should be forgiven, in any case. Scrolling down on my Yummy! list will more or less show some of my 'crush factors', because there are similar traits between them, don't you think? Stubble on an otherwise chiselled jaw, gray in dark locks of hair, lines to interrupt smooth skin... They stand as a testament that Hollywood is not all perfection and that to be attractive is to be young and beautiful. Its a complete aversion of what's thought to be universally ideal - youth. Not just the men though. There are some Hollywood actresses allowing themselves the ultimate human weakness - to age - and while they're at it, to age gracefully too. I really like watching Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep. They were heavyweights during younger days on the silver screen but even now, they're as lovely and compelling as ever. Proves that age is never a hindrance.

Don't you just love it? To me, it lightens the pressure of having to compete with so many beautiful people out there. While now they can be so gorgeous, later they may be fighting (then usually failing) to retain their youthful beauty. And the rest of us can be at peace.

I just finished reading the book everybody else is reading at the moment, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I really liked it...in a way. Its difficult to explain. I knew full well before purchasing the book and flipping to the first page that as many reviews claimed, it was a young adult fiction. Its target audience is teenage girls. Hence, a mushy romantic fantastical love story between a ungodly perfect undead vampire with an ordinary gal. Not my kind of book. At all.

But other positive reviews (there were about an equal amount of people out there who despise the book actually) fascinated me. These reviews came from readers outside the target audience; twenty-somethings and above, career women, mothers to daughters who read the book etc. To summarise, they all basically said it was a lovely ecape from reality. It definitely wasn't real, the perfection of Edward and the other Cullens too wondrous, even the setting was dreamlike.

After reading it now myself, they were right. Like I've mentioned, I appreciate being able to escape from reality once in a while.

Reading it was like succumbing to the deepest, most hidden desire of most women (I won't try to be presumptous by saying all women) - to find and inexplicably fall in love with the most perfect man ever created and disbelievingly discover that such a person could love you back. If Bella was indeed a real person, she most probably would be dead by now. Not because Edward finally succumbed to his thirst for her blood and killed her. But because by all the crazied obsessions of teen girls everywhere over Edward (driven to wilder heights thanks to the excessive gorgeousness of Robert Pattinson as if you need any help to visualise the character) and thus, unfathomable and destructive jealousy towards Bella. Such a lucky girl should also not (be allowed to) exist. Anyway, to me it was admitting to myself, no matter how determined I am to be a realist, that I too wanted my own share of real-life magic. Deep down, given the choice, I would have gladly given up all of my notions to fall in love with someone so more out-of-league than previously deemed possible. I want my own Edward Cullen.

I mean, who was Bella Swan anyway? She was essentially, just an ordinary Jane. She could be anyone of us. But there she was, for a reason so cruelly unclear, inexplicably appealing to the magnificent Edward. Meyer had no qualms about feeding us every detail of Edward's perfection. He was not a blood-sucking, life-taking undead often portrayed in other books and movies. Sure, he was dangerous, but he was nice. He cared for humans. So all that remained was the perfection that came with being a vampire according to Meyer. Every desirable quality there was to be desired Edward had. He was so perfect, he was so unreal.
Personally, he doesn't at all seem like a vampire. More like a demi-god. Whatever.

But then, we will be reminded that Edward is far from being perfect. Because he was so perfect. (I hope you're still following me with this) He's too beautiful, so people stay away. He is dangerous, so he must stay away too. He is forever young, so forever lonely. He is doomed for eternity. I'd like to thank Meyer for the slight reality check in the midst of all the fantasy. At least, it's slightly more believable.

So, Edward and the likes of him will always remain unreal. Its a great way of releasing oneself to fantasy sometimes but not something to hope for. I'm not exactly sure of what I'm trying to really relay through all this babble but I think the idea is there. Ponder all of it for a bit. You might find something. I hope... :)

P.S. I'm gonna read the rest of the Twilight saga anyway. There's no way I'm not going to see through to the end of the fantasy Meyer managed to create in my mind.

So I Like Gray Hairs and Lines...So What!

2008-12-23T20:04:00.005+08:00

I just finished reading Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks. It took me a just a few hours to finish. It was pretty much typical of Nicholas Sparks' style of writing. I thought it was pretty good. I wouldn't go as far to say that is was a momentous love story that would shake the world. As it often is in Sparks' books, its not about first loves and flaming passion like in most romance novels, but instead more about family values, getting over loss and heartbreak, and changing for the better. Some people might get teary-eyed after reading it.

The copy that I read had the movie poster's picture on the front with Richard Gere and Diane Lane and I must say that as I read, I kept picturing Richard Gere as the character. Although I've yet to watch the movie, I know Richard Gere is perfect for the part. I just think he is very hot for an older man.

Like Mr Sheffield (another good-looking guy with graying hair) in a Nanny episode I watched recently said, "...age improves a person - like fine wine. The older it is, the finer its taste." (I don't think I quoted it 100% correctly but who's checking anyway)

People who know me enough will roll their eyes at this. Yes, I'm infamous for having a penchant for more mature men. (I do not like the term 'old men'. Its an insult not only to me, but to those men!) It's not the number that I personally find attractive, but the gray hair at the temples, the laugh lines around the mouth and eyes, that confidence they emanate and don't take me wrongly when I say this, but also their experiences. They have gone through more things in life and are therefore, wiser. They don't take things for granted like we younger people do. They're more stable, reliable, responsible, confident, unhurried, and have more perspective. In simpler terms, they are more mature.

Then again, a man of maturity does not necessarily mean he's also older. I won't try to deny that some guys do mature earlier than others. And that is just all right with me. Again, its not the number of years, but the quantity in those years. People who have experienced more in life at a younger age tend to seem more mature than their peers. Its all about experience really. Someone who have seen the harder side of what life can offer and learn from it, is the one that would most likely appeal to me.

But let's face it, people. It's scientifically proven that girls mature faster than boys. So a woman of 24 may already be thinking like someone of 30 but a man of the same age may still be thinking like an 18 year old. But for their credit, men will catch up eventually and then overtake us girls completely. In my opinion, when a guy finally grows up, he really does grow up. In many ways, they can be more mature than women. I'm not undermining my own gender, but men and women were made to complement each other. What we women lack, men provide; what men lack, we provide. So, we need guys! Their perspectives is, of course, different than ours but are still a useful input.

Honestly, I always ask my guy friends about the view from that side. My favourite questions are, "How do you know a guy likes you?/How do you show a girl you like her?", "Do guys prefer making the first move?/Do they like it if a girl makes the first move?". Most of the time, the answers vary from one guy friend to the next and it's not really what you want to hear, but I know for certain that the answers were the honest opinions of a guy. And guys can be brutally honest. Probably that's why I enjoy the company of guys at times. Their straightforward thinking, no bitchiness, biases and embellishments are sometimes better to be had. Sure, guys can be notorious liars but their simplistic thinking is refreshing sometimes. With girls, there is always this lingering hidden agenda thing, this facade so that you don't have physical proof to hate her but you kinda know that she's merely putting a front of friendliness. Girls can be meaner than boys simply because the girls usually aim the dagger at your back. (Think Mean Girls)

Damn, there I go, digressing. This Boy versus Girl thing will probably pop up now and again in other posts.

So, mature men. I definitely am not one for the pretty-young-thing-dating-a-grandfather cliche. Its really gross. I'm sorry to have to say this but those girls usually are there for the benefit e.g. money. Gold-diggers are still out there, no matter what century we live in. A lot of people choose to marry for money, and set aside love. "We can learn to love later." Yeah right. In this kind of situation, both sides are to blame. The girl, for being so materialistic and dependant. The guy, for being so disillusioned that a younger, prettier girl wants to go out with you because of your charm and personality. To the guy, I say "No matter how much you think she loves you, she loves your wallet and bank account more and people are still gonna look at you and see an old geezer being fooled by a gold-digger."

Paradoxically however, I do believe in older men marrying younger women and vice versa. Love can happen in those situations. But personally, there's only so far I will go to be with an older man. 5 years is ideal but the most is 10 years. More than that, I think the gap is too big to fill. Sure, you love each other but come off it, there's a whole decade, a generation in between. I just think it'll be harder because each person will have lived in different worlds. The younger half will probably still want excitement and adventure while she's still young and attractive but then the older half will be more into settling down to the comfortable and steady routine of family life. Cracks will inevitably show.

To be very physically-speaking on the other hand, an older guy will know the ways of love better. Think about it. He's been there before. He probably made mistakes the first few times around but he's also probably better at it now than then, right? And they have more respect for women somehow. They've come to a time where they really don't care for all those temporary thrills anymore. They're looking for a real life partner. So there you know that he'll treat you right and be serious. If you're also looking for serious relationships, a mature guy is the way to go.

Personally speaking, I want to have fun too. Its no fun if the first guy you like/love/date is the guy you should marry. What's the harm in meeting a few people first and then settle down? Anyhow, you yourself will need to be ready to settle down a.k.a. get a job and save money before you can be sure of taking such a huge, life-changing step like marriage. Hasty marriages make hasty divorces.

I probably could keep going on about love, marriage, guys, girls and hot older guys but I'll save the rest of my ideologies for another post. There's just so much to write on those topics anyway.

But before I go, I think for this kind of post I must absolutely say something about Gerard Butler. He's got loads of sex appeal for one (all that solidness, those intense gray-green eyes, husky Scottish-accented voice, lopsided smile, graying dark hair, sexy stubble, those lines that pop up when he laughs or smiles...sigh). He's really just sex on legs (hee hee..I know I'm naughty for saying this but I can't help it.) He's going to marry me someday. I always say that one day he'll find me and whisk me away to bliss.

Good-looking older men are super hot. Period.

SPM DOOM

2008-12-23T17:58:00.001+08:00

Uncertainty is the worst kind of foe. Yet uncertainty constantly haunts our every second, every minute, hour and day. Tomorrow is uncertain. Next year is uncertain. Uncertainty robs you of your confidence. Confidence is already such a fragile thing, so why would we want any reason to start second-guess our own judgements, principles, opinions?

The reason why I'm writing this is because I have now faced uncertainty on many fronts in the past few months. Firstly, SPM. Did I do good enough? Did I study hard enough? Am I good enough? These types of questions are the worst kind of questions to ask yourself, let alone think about. As much as I knew how detrimental it is to even think it, self-doubt has its way of sneaking into your sub-conscious to make a mess of things. On one side, I knew that I was already doing more than I have ever done before for any exam, even my PMR and UPSR (in fact, they just don't compare). My sleeping and eating patterns were in disarray. For someone who usually studies last minute, I was studying quite a lot (more than usual anyway). For my trials, I would study for hours in my room, emerge only for dinner and then sleep a few hours to wake up to study some more for a couple of hours before school. I was surprised at myself.

But the other side would nudge me about how I only began truly studying with a few months to go to the exam, how I still played around a bit, watched tv, and of course, a lot of my peers doing much better than me. No matter how good my results were, I thought it wasn't good enough because one, it wasn't perfect straight As and two, it was not the best because there was always someone else who got a higher score.

For me, my worst critic is myself. I don't care much about how much others expect of me because the one that has the highest expectations is me. Because I know my own capabilities. Most of the time, if I look back at my test papers, I would get frustrated because the mistakes I made were careless and I knew the answers. But somehow, I slipped up during the exam. That's why I'm scared for my results coming out this coming March. I still can remember my papers and where I probably messed up. I'm worried the most about my Add. Maths, Chemistry (there was this one 10 mark essay I know I messed up completely), and Sejarah. Other worrying ones are the other Science subjects (Physics and Biology) because they simply are harder.

Oh, the chills! The horror! I need to get straight A's for my SPM - not just because my future depends on it but also because I don't think I can settle for anything less.

Perfectly Imperfect

2008-12-18T11:20:00.010+08:00

Perfection is an illusion. An illusion created by our mind by piecing together all the input we get from the media, the people around us and our personal experiences.

I've read two books, The Art of Imperfection and The Looks Book which has changed, or more aptly, improved my understanding of individualism and beauty. The Art of Imperfection basically explores the idea of wonderful chaos and disarray. The beauty of wrinkles of age, making mistakes, being disorganised, an assymetrical face, appreciating and accepting all of who we are; mind, body and soul and all of our imperfections. In one part of the book, the author rebukes the popular philosophy that the core of our being is our reason based on Rene Descartes' saying "cogito, ergo sum" or "I think, therefore I am." My take on this is that we cannot simply close our eyes to what's real, to what we can see in our reflections. Mind and matter go together and that makes us who we are. Take a brain-dead person for example. Is he still the same person? What about a fully paralysed person? Its hard to say really. You think for yourself.

Paradoxically, apparently its true that it is always mind over matter.What our eyes see and what our 'mind's eye' sees are different. Any Biology student will tell you that any stimulus received is sent to the brain to be interpreted. Here is where the change begins. The interpretation. How exactly does our brain interpret what we see and then bring about the reaction we get? How is it different? When looking at an abstract painting, different people can interpret it so many different ways. One will tell you its a masterpiece but cannot fully explain why. Another will just say its just a load of paint caked together on canvass and can't see the point of it. The fact is, our ideas, thoughts, observations, motivations and aspirations are all influenced one way or another by the world around us.

Another book I read, fiction though, was about this guy who was obsessed with the idea that everything we are are an illusion and imitated by others that are also copycats of others. In this sense, its quite true. We are motivated to buy the newest trends because it was worn by a Kate Moss or Victoria Beckham. Even the classics, the Little Black Dress and Yves Saint Laurent's Le Smoking pantsuit, became classics because people followed other famous people wearing them. The difference is that the classics keep being copied or reinterpreted based on the current trends, which in turn is imitations of other fashions. A more attuned fashion enthusiast will tell you that fashion is a continuous recycling of trends. Like right now, the trend is the tuxedo or vest. That came from the Le Smoking. Another trend is retro prints and styles. That obviously came from the 70's. So by all means, keep everything you have. Sooner or later, that item will come back in demand.

So who are we anyway? Under all this influence, what really remains? Even myself, the ideas I have have been influenced by the books I mentioned. Can we really think for ourselves?

Of course we can. The beauty of reason is that it takes everything, interprets and gives you the result, but the interpretation is different for every person therefore the idea is different. That is where the individuality comes in. The result you get is all you. Sure, we have to face the fact that our personalities are the product of a million types of input we get everyday, but what you get in the end is original. It is what makes you unique. The combination. And no combination is the same.

And here is where imperfection comes in. It gives us the individuality. Making mistakes leads us to our destiny. Our wrinkles show people that we have had a life. A wardrobe full of so many trends over the years show that we are constantly looking for our true identity (and we may never truly find it). Our imperfection shows us that we are human.

So its ok to forget, to be silly and not apologise for it, to make mistakes, and to fumble about, unsure of what we're doing and where we're going. The world is naturally in chaos (what else can you call all those hurricanes and earthquakes) anyway. We may never see the whole scheme of things. That is all beyond our reach. Only God knows the true order in all this chaos. So why waste your life trying to realise your illusions? Utter perfection does not exist. Its what we call the conditions we think are ideal to our individual self. So our imperfection can be another's perfection. Think about that.

This all goes without saying that I too, a human of many flaws, struggle to accept things as they come and my imperfections. Yet these challenges make us stronger. We may never discover our true self but does it matter? Isn't it easier to to live and let live? Reality is harsh but comforting because it is real. Accepting allows us live without too much expectations, too much disappointments and headaches, and impossible ideals. This, however, does not mean we should live day to day with no plans and goals. We should just be realistic, that's all.

Make peace with yourself. Don't beat yourself up if you fail. Don't think too much about it if you feel insignificant in this huge world of ours because you probably are. We all are. Get with the program; love your perfectly imperfect self. Life is only temporary, its what's after that matters.

"Don't frown. You never know who's falling in love with your smile."

C-O-U-R-A-G-E

2008-12-17T12:50:00.006+08:00

Since my thoughts are always so occupied with him, its only time til I will write about lurrrve. So here I go.

Well, firstly, it sucks! Its like you have no life, just wasting your brainwaves away on someone that probably doesn't give a hoot about anything to do with you. Like what's the point of it all? Why do we have to go through such daily torture? I sure as hell did not ask for it!

Breathe.

In a short story I did for Literature, The Cinderella Girl, Edward the main character who pined for the most popular girl in school but secretly liked the school reject, said "There was something to be said for unrequited love. It was safer."

Spot on. The best thing resulting from all this trouble is that you don't really get hurt. Sure, day after day, there is an endless uncertainty and shadows of doubt, but the actual crushing pain of rejection will never come. You are gradually subjecting yourself to pain nonetheless but in minute amounts. For example, certain chemicals are not harmful to the body in small amounts; most become poison in large amounts. So its like introducing would-be harmless chemicals in small amounts over time so eventually it accumulates, becomes poison and you die. Not that painful, but you die. Compare with cutting your finger. Painful of course, but fleeting. The wound will eventually heal, you may or may not have a scar depending how deep is the cut and you will, eventually, forget.

Of course, some may argue that if there were deep feelings involved, real true love, then its not so easy to forget. But that's the thing. You will, no matter how long it takes, forget. It will happen. You will meet someone else, your mind becomes occupied with other things, you will recall him less often and less vividly. Though you may not want to, as human, the older memories will fade and be replaced by newer ones.

This should actually a source of motivation for all those people who love but hesitate. It basically tells us to take the chance and jump off the cliff with your eyes closed. If you land on a patch of grass, it will be worth it. But if you so happen to hit the hard ground, you will be bruised and hurting...but you can get up. The pain will fade and you can now overcome other obstacles. Move on, simply speaking.

There was an article I read in a magazine about this woman who sees her life as a series of cliffs. She could choose to avoid them, or just try to jump across. So when she comes to a point where she needs to decide whether to jump or not, she imagines closing her eyes and shouting "WooHoo!!!" as she jumps. It doesn't matter whether she falls or flies. Its the thought that she will, eventually, land.

So all it takes is courage. Courage to jump off and take a chance. Courage to feel that it is ok to fall, and be certain that you will touch ground in the end.

I wish I had this courage. I hope by writing this, I'll be able to get some courage to take chances, no matter what the circumstances, be it for love, for career, or simply, for life.

Things to remember:
-Never be Courage the Cowardly Dog.
-The Nike slogan "Just Do It". (Worked wonders during my SPM)
-Even Black Holes lead somewhere...right?

Of Baby Bothers, PS2 and Ultraman

2008-12-16T16:03:00.006+08:00

My not-so-baby brother hogging the PS2 comes to no surprise in my house. A player myself, I get so annoyed when he just hogs the console all day long and acts as if he has exclusive rights over the PS2 and owns the bloody room. If you're reading this dearest brother, I'm not mad at you. Its just a fact of life. You have more games to play and its so important that you finish the game using every single character and combination of modes for every one of your beloved Dynasty Warriors games. I get it. And I can smile at the thought that next year is your PMR year and school opens in a couple of weeks. The PS2 will...be...mine. (evil laughter)

The other baby brother can be a spot of bother at times. What with his endless cries of "Alteman!!!" "Alteman satuuu, alteman duaaa, alteman GIGA!! DYNA!!!" (Ultraman, people. Phonetics okay?) He is now the perpetual 'budak Ultraman'. The fact that the older brother used to love watching that show when he was younger stimulated this rapid developing of my 2 year old baby brother's obsession with the not macho and mute hero figure. This is because before everything, the tv room was filled with Ultraman videos and CDs. Not to mention the figurines my brother kept and are now passed down to the younger generation. The insistent demands to watch the boring show over and over again, taking us by hand and dragging us to watch it with him... I wonder whether buying that DVD with 52 Ultraman episodes was a good idea to begin with. We now will never run out of Ultraman. Sigh.

Now its always, "Hyah! Hyah!" Play-acting Ultraman VS Even Uglier Monster fights with him can be loads of fun but I end up feeling battered. Especially if his using that impossibly rock-hard skull of his. And I always have to concede to the child right? Did I mention I have a scar to commemorate the day my brother (not the 2 year old) bit me on my stomach? (Yes, Nadim, don't you forget it) I wonder when I'll get a similar one from this little tyrant.

Believe it or not, now he's tormenting the cat. Though I can't feel sorry for Petsie. She's more annoying than the Boy Ultraman. And not nearly as adorable.

Money VS Interest Debate

2008-12-16T02:53:00.006+08:00

I am now at a crossroads in my life. Post-SPM, the time has finally come for me to decide once and for all what I am going to do with my life. In simpler terms, my career.

I, for one, have a lot of interests. So many that it is mind-boggling to begin on which career path to take. Nonetheless, I have managed to narrow it down to a few:

Biotechnology
Medicine
Law
Physics (or physics-related but not engineering)

These few were shortlisted because they are either one of my interests, have a good job market or both. Not helping things though is the fact that all do interest me to a certain extent. The dilemma.

So it boils down to this: Money...or Interest?

Life would be simple if the phrase "Money makes the world go round" was false. But its not.

The problem lies in the fact that out of all four, I have the most interest and capability in Physics. Yes, Physics happens to be my best subject (besides English). But the market for physics-related jobs is rather poor in Malaysia. The argument against that is: Find a job outside Malaysia then! Easier said than done.

The other three, holding lesser interest for me somewhat, have better job markets. Medicine and Law are the best, more likely to be able to offer very handsome salaries if things go well.

Ah, choices, choices! Money is very important as it ensures security and comfortable living (not forgetting my retail therapy too). Interest however, seems more important because it basically is what motivates you everyday to get your lazy ass out of bed in the morning to go to work and to face your bitchy boss. If you truly love your job, there is nothing that will get in your way to doing your best. Am I right, or am I right?

Case in point: My father initially worked for interest. Since he was 10, he decided to be a lawyer. (Note the firm goal) Things went well but since he decided against practicing, his career eventually stayed at Company Secretary (Cosec) and legal advisor. For 16 years. The time was ripe for a change of scene. So he left and agreed to another job. The new job came with an increased salary (increased by half of his former salary), better medical, and as he was told initially, less work and a better position. Unknowingly though, the initial job description did not include frequent trips to and fro between KL and Johor Bahru, finicky and self-centered datuks for company directors, complete lack of work ethics, overt office politics, and worst of all, the company had an indistinct future. For all everyone that worked in that company knew, by next year they would be working somewhere else if lucky and if not, unemployed. Their huge multi-billion-ringgit development project could just crash and burn. 'Cause as of this time, they are just talking and not showing the figures to back their grandiose plans. And this is at a time of major economic recession. Have they been sitting under a goddamn nutshell? Everyone knows that global investors are shying away from making new investments due to the foggy financial future. So I ask, can they still be sunnily optimistic about expecting to build a whole township from scratch and one to rival KL and Singapore put together?

By all means, make your plans. But plan them well and economically. For everybody's sake!

So back to the case of my father. Despite realising that it may not any longer be for interest, he took the job. Now, he is so stressed and overworked. Is it worth it? Having to put up with all that crap at work? I think not. Sure, the money is good, the perks are great, but does the end justify the mean? Does money buy happiness?

Another important detail to mention. We had to cancel our family vacation to Jakarta thanks to those bloody jerks for directors and my father had to get an undeserving earful and work all day on a Saturday... and in Johor. And now I only get to see my father on certain weekends, a few days in the week, and of those normal working days, usually a few hours at night when he's too tired. If I'm lucky. My family is forced to get used to having dinner without him and not talking to him for days at a time. I will not say that my family ties have loosened, but it may be if this keeps up.

I guess, in the end, it is a no win situation. You may have money but you're not so happy. When you're happy, you have no money.

This does not help me in making my decision.

The First One

2008-12-15T19:37:00.006+08:00

Now, most people would go on and say why they created their respective blogs in their first post. I don't think its necessary simply because isn't it already a well-known fact what it is for? To scribble whatever things that cross your mind and by your own reckoning, suitable for anyone in the World Wide Web to read (unless of course you restrict your blog, I knew that). Sure, some more organised minds are able to write blogs with verve and purpose like for example, a blog solely bent on discussing politics (we all know those) or even shoes (that's more like it).
Unfortunately, as the title of this entire blog suggests, I did not create this blog with a solid purpose in mind. Sorry-lah. Forgive me if my posts will seem all over the place and appear to be, well, just ramblings. Believe me when I say that I don't intend my blog to be popular or anything and you have no inclinations to continue reading if it just is jibberish to you. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Anyway, I don't have any grand plans for this blog as of now. My sudden luxury of time thanks to SPM ending not two weeks ago may have something to do with this blog. To be perfectly honest, I don't really relish the idea some may have about blogs. Sure, its completely up to an individual what he wants on his blog. We know how the Malaysian government is having problems with errant bloggers. Having said that though, to me, a blog should not be the backyard to air out dirty laundry. Or a marketplace to argue and squabble like fishmongers' wives. Frequent cyber-users should all be well-informed how some blogs, no matter how well (or not) their intentions are, turn out to be the spawning ground of defamatory remarks, rumours, lies (god-forbid), deviant religions (to the worst extent), and humiliation for some of the readers. We never know who may be reading our posts. I won't name names here, but I do know for fact that blogs could tell only one side of any story and be completely biased and superficial. What we say could incite anger, hurt, and embarassment in others. To me, one should never think that a blog is a safe place to vent feelings. Again, I stress, ANYONE can read a blog. Try as we might, how censored our words be, many people know how to read between the lines. Even now, as this post is being read, its sting may be felt by those guilty. Know this though, I will stand by my principles of blogging and God punish me if I don't.
I hope this post did not seem too intimidating or scary to say the least. Perhaps this is my first philosophy being published (har-di-har); that is, my philosophy on blogging.
Anyhow, allow me to feel proud of myself for completing my first post. I hope its a harbinger for more good trains of thought worth writing here. So, well, enjoy reading! Don't be shy to comment, it'll probably be for my own good. Hahaa...